Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
rockr_chick 5
its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Smyth 3
A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.
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Comments (223)
kyle1991 0
haha maybe you will have ta use both fists while your tryin ta bang her
jdfml90 0
****** ruin lives. Fact
jlynntiger 0
wow new gf n ready havin sex, jeez society
nikkired 0
I think her ex lost his watch in there,you should get a flashlight and check it out.
123jeff456 0
your hot 150! :)
karina_said 0
tell her if you wanted roast beef youd go to arby's
randomlover 0
at least she ain't sleeping with everything that gets hard
BikerMike 0
You may have to buy a horse to satisfy that pussy
BikerMike 0
You may have to buy a horse to satisfy that pussy
Mortanious 0
YDI for dating a *****. I bet her pussy lips clap when the wind blows.
marylovesyou8D 7
South Carolina! XD