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possibly fucked Lisbon, Portugal 🌶️ Spicy

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

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Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

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Top comments

A1BROS 4

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

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Comments (276)

Becca_Bear_98 19

I'm about fifty miles beyond grey horror

welllfuck 3

He should be about 50 miles away from that house.

sayyestothedress 24

What's a strap on?

Randyrhoads1994 11

A strap on is a fake penis that lesbians usually use to have sex instead of scissoring. Google it, you will see it

Incognito_1924 17

"Possiby ******" could be used in a literal sense here too

Demig0d6 14

Your wife is not dicking around

mistertbawk420 10

Sounds like his wife IS dicking around, nowm'sayin?

kewpiesuicide 29

Oh lawd...scissoring is not a real thing. Trust

incoherentrmblr 22

Listen to the song "I Would Walk 500 Miles" by The Proclaimers, and do the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of everything they say, except for walking 500 miles...

khaoticpanda 28

Pegging is in style

kitsune309 15

Preach it. Real lesbians know Scissoring is the stupidest thing ever. Plus it's really demeaning, like, "oh, they're squishing their crotches together, it's almost like they're having sex, how cute." Because everybody knows lesbians can't -actually- have sex. -_-

DrownedMyFish 18

#182 Tribadism is a real thing and the majority of lesbian couples admit to trying it at least once. Scissoring, which is just one of the many positions, can actually stimulate a woman to the point of climax. Some women even claim that it is easier to achieve an ****** this way. *The More You Know*

incoherentrmblr 22

^ The More You Kohls...

HanBroman 20

real lesbians? way to make major generalisations about what's right and wrong when it comes to how people do life and sexuality; something which I thought "real homosexuals" were against

cassiekinz 14

It's a real thing. Just not a common thing.

ReannaRevolution 1

"Real" lesbian here. Scissoring is definitely a thing. You know right after you finish and your ******** is super sensitive? that's an amazing time to scissor and leads to ANOTHER ******. You're welcome.

Gearden 8

I like how this went from pegging to scissoring lol. Maybe I'm just being an optimist but maybe she wants him to wear it so they can DP.

valalvax 13

I was going to say I don't understand why it isn't a thing, I mean it feels really good for my gf for me to just grind her with my dick, no penetration, so I'd imagine scissoring would feel just as good

Princessa21 8

Thank goodness, someone realizes that chicks really don't scissor.

Marine1775 14

I would be about fifty shades beyond gray.

Louve55555_fml 5

Why just lesbians ? Why is it so weird to practice sodomy in a heterosexual couple ? Why penetration would have to be in an only way ? I'm not saying it is nice to him that his wife bought it against his will... Threatened by intrusion ? :P

Adam5858 17

Run!Run fast and far !

AnOriginalName 19

No, running means he has to turn his back to her.

cakefete2 31

That, and in all horror movies, the victim always trips and falls. The moment he trips OP gets the tip. So its best he backs away as fast as he can.

mistertbawk420 10

Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200

igive 29

So then moon walk away?

meganlovestea 15

Far, far away

Bentonic 11

"Run away, Simba. Run! Run away, and never return!"

itwasthedognotme 14

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

gjikvtj 18

And get 50 miles beyond your homeland

TheAbstract 15

I'm about 50 miles beyond irritated with that dot on your picture.

Enslaved 38

Bend over, she'll drive!

thatguyybrian 12

That was incredibly clever 133.

Beanu 20

Wait terrified of her using it on you or some one else..

inner_peace 19

Good point..

Pesticides 19

assuming it's his wife, he jumps to the conclusion that it's for his no fly zone. That being said he should...watch his back.

Joshwarrior 39

Don't know why this got down voted. There might be another person or he might get butthurt while he's asleep two horrible possibilities.

blackman100 20

OP should be less concerned about her using the strap-on on him and more concerned of her using it on someone else. Unless OP is into that......

clingy718 6

Lmfao I wanted to get one but my man won't let

gjikvtj 18

I wonder why

Jesswokethisfall 11

why would you want one? o. e

brewmasterg 34

I think that's probably something he should get a say in.

clingy718 6

Bc he wants to try up my butt so I think he should know how it feel

zandalee 20

Sounds fair to me...

brenton490 19

Normally I would say don't knock it till your try it....but **** that!!

TheAbstract 15

buttfuck that*

madeline9322 17

Well, he can only have it up the butt if you can do it to him I guess :$

storethis 17

A lot of Guys dont like getting ****** in the ass unless they are homosexual. Nothing wrong with that, just a fact

A1BROS 4

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

lunar999 23

He better avoid it or he's ******.

Kamon97 23

Don't drop the soap OP

DeadPixel4 29

PUNPUNPUN

cakefete2 31

Unless you have an ass related joke of your own, you need to butt out.

mistertbawk420 10

Gluteus Maximus.

killthedead 13

OP sounds a little butt hurt.

mistertbawk420 10

OP isn't butthurt...yet

cakefete2 31

Hey, don't be so hard on anal! Oral sex might make your day, but anal sex will make your hole weak.

Tankkiller308 16

You spelled week wrong

mistertbawk420 10

That's the joke.

cakefete2 31

You missed the joke by a mile. Also, the Grammar Nazis might like to have a few words with you.

nlm92 15

You'd be surprised... ;)

rockcaar3 7

I think the nazis would want to have a word with you ;)

cakefete2 31

Heil no! I can Nazi myself have a conversation with them.

Imaginefree66 4

#38. Don't drop the soup. Is the phrase so popular? Chinese now also say that.

RedPillSucks 33

Don't drop the soup? Chinese now also say that? WTELF (What the Ever Loving ****)???

mistertbawk420 10

Well it is wise to not drop your soup.

IloveToLaugh143 21

@cakefete2, you're good. Real good.

Lipstixx 5

this is asstronomically funny

Swedish_Eagle 21

hurts at the beggining, u will get used to it

BlueFlatts 20

What about this FML gives you the idea that OP wants to get used to this?

kirasant 19

True, but I think "terrified" is a bit much, unless the wife's an idiot. If people go about things properly there's nothing to be terrified of, man or woman. Trying something once for your spouse, isn't a bad thing, just be sure stuff is done in a way that won't hurt. Ample prep and lube in a necessity. Research it on the internet to be sure it's done right. There's a pile of nerves in there that feel really awesome, OP. It's not a gay thing, it's biology. If your wife does it right, you could have a hell of a ****** from it and for once, she's doing the work. ;) Plus, the strap-on will stimulate the wife's clit, so everyone is enjoying themselves. That said, OP should voice his concerns to his wife and no let her railroad him into anything. No one in a relationship should feel forced to do anything in the bedroom. Have a talk with your wife, OP and see what's up. There's no need to be terrified.

JMichael 26

maybe she's using it as a strap-in?

BlueFlatts 20

Umm... What? Like in reverse for herself? Like strapping herself in reverse?

BreathingClover 19

I mean... really?

kewpiesuicide 29

You wouldn't need a harness for that, just the *****

rachelannxxx 8

maybe she wants OP to use it on her because his isn't naturally big enough?

ElricMustang 23

I don't know which is worse :/

foxwasalamb 24

she could want both holes to be explored and plundered...

mistertbawk420 10

I'm sorry but all I can think of now is pirates after you said plundered

killthedead 13

This mental image is definitely rated Rrrrrrrr!

cakefete2 31

Let's set sail on the seven seas in search of some booty. Hopefully, we find some treasure too.

skyeyez9 25

At the same time?

kinky44 28

Butt pirates ftw

russfml 31

If you think that's ok, that is totally demeaning to a guy. How about I just **** a plastic pussy instead of my girlfriend. How'd you feel?

dudeman1212 22

Time to invest in a butt plug

I_cant_think 10

He's still getting things put in his ass, it's a lose-lose that way

Soloman212 28

More like loose-loose.

dannnngthatsux 19

But if he has to take it... practice and astroglide...