Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
rockr_chick 5
its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Smyth 3
A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.
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Comments (223)
scott_m319 0
It's not that simple, 57. Dong size is a debilitating psychological dilemma that can strike any man no matter how well-endowed he is. I would advise the OP to find out whether his girlfriend likes that ***** for its size, as well as whether or not she thinks that's an average size. If she answers yes, then he needs to jump ship immediately.
jackkm713 0
that sux
tallykinz 0
i dont get it..... what was it?
samyslamajamma 0
I dont know why they instantly think hes small! He could be 7 or 8 inches. My forearm is 10 or 11 inches. And feet have nothing to do with it. At all.
technodr01d 0
#130, I believe he meant in length not width. Muscle wouldn't matter in this situation.
technodr01d 0
If I were a guy, I'd be scared of that shit, too. Hell, I'm a girl and I'm scared of that shit. I've never seen a guy with a dick as long as my forearm. ******, yes. Dudes, no. And besides.... why the **** do she need something that long? Is she trying to jab herself in the lungs? Seriously. You people must have tiny ass forearms, because a normal forearm (elbow to wrist) is quite a bit longer than a penis. My guess is that she doesn't put in the whole thing. Unless she's about 6'11. Or maybe she likes black guys. Sorry. I had to do it.
XxNinjaDaytonaxX 0
why would he be scared?
ObeseInfant 0
Ask if she does anal , it'll be the biggest thing she's ever felt.
Victoire_W 0
Viagra
Entegy 4
Embrace the toys!