Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
Today, I hosted a family dinner. I made a roast, potatoes, green beans, and homemade bread. Everything went smoothly until I realized halfway through I'd used powdered sugar instead of flour. No one noticed at first, then my aunt asked in horror, “Why's it taste like cake?” The rest of the meal was eyed suspiciously and I almost fainted from the stress. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML
Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML
Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
j_cat187 20
At least it wasn't laxatives.
LuminousKing 7
Kick him in the balls
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
LuminousKing 7
Kick him in the balls
Rowdey 10
That one just crosses the line.
LuminousKing 7
Not in my world
Rowdey 10
Ah, but you changed your comment. Don't worry I won't tell ;)
silvercamaro 22
Hmm...a guy promoting nut shots that's almost new
JulietRose 10
That's going too far. My brothers do some really inconsiderate stuff. There's really not much you can do about it. Revenge doesn't solve anything. But sometimes it's necessary.
WritingWrongs 8
Is violence really the answer? Just do what I do, when my brother does something horrible, and siphon most of the gas out of his car. Simple as that.
BusinessTurtle 8
Violence is always an answer. It may not always be the right one but it is still an answer nonetheless.
onlychildFTW 34
I don't know if kicking him in the balls is the right answer. Your life isn't over so why inflict so much pain?
Link5794 18
Violence is always the answer!
KiddNYC1O 22
He'd probably hi-5 him, with his twisted sense of humor.
j_cat187 20
At least it wasn't laxatives.
Inheritance 10
Or that it didn't end up the Hangover Part 3..
Srs_business 7
46- Cocaine is a helluva drug.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Put hair removal cream in his hair gel. That'll give him a good laugh
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#9- Huh?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
First of all, no need to be condescending about it when you can't punctuate properly. Secondly, why would "OP feel really silly" if her brother is bald?
Shrike 24
^ Because her spiking his shampoo with hair removal cream would be pretty ******* stupid if he's already bald, therefore she'd feel silly. I admire your commitment to pretending you have no reading comprehension skills, but it's making you look a little slow by this point.
sarahshanghai 9
If he was bald he wouldnt have shampoo, now would he?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Haha it was only a suggestion. I am evil enough that I would do that to my twin brother no matter how silly it made him look
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I was confused because "Penguin Bitch" used two different tenses in their comment, which made me read it really weird. Then I didn't understand why OP would feel silly if she tried to put hair removal in her brother's shampoo, when if he was bald she wouldn't attempt it in the first place because he'd have no hair to remove.
Shrike 24
#32 and #35, it's basic scalp hygiene, even if you're totally bald. May sound weird, but it's true, most bald guys use shampoo. Look it up.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
^ good for you for knowing how bald men cleanse. Would you like an award?
Shrike 24
No, I'd like a pointless, unprovoked, and snarky comment directed at someone who's clearing up a misconception... ... oh.
Futacy 30
41 and 38- Girls, girls, you're both pretty, chill out.
DubstepMasta 18
Lol 42
tootsie68 22
Does he even know how to cook?? Why didn't u taste test??
MDTeddy 13
I know I would have done a taste test of the sugar. I seem to eat it when I am using it in something.
rocketiquette 20
I think anyone that enjoys cooking daily taste tests their food, especially if they are doing from the seat of their pants... Your bro is a dick, but it kinda sucks for you because he got it past you and you didn't catch it.
MisterMichael 9
It's obviously time to plot your revenge
RigPig 3
Sounds like someone can't cook worth a shit, and blames her brother. Spend some more time in the kitchen sweetheart!
Hershey903 5
I never really saw how hard it was to confuse salt with sugar, but that's just me.
dryersheet 11
Exactly what I was gonna say. They are definitely easy to tell apart.
soullessgingers 0
What an asshole. Get him back.
NOWAYJOSE 14
I want to know why your mom is making the kids do all the work.
soullessgingers 0
Maybe she had other things to worry about? I think it's kind of the least they could do.
naughtylez82 4
How is their responsibility when it was obviously their moms event? Your a dumb ass
peachesncreem 21
I don't think the kids are "doing all the work". A lot of work goes into organizing and hosting a party. And, if the kids are old enough, why not get them to pitch in?
ballbearing 10
And you are obviously still a teenager.
SenselessPattern 12
Everytime someone calls someone a dumbass on this site, they say "Your a dumbass". Way to waste YOUR time making insults YOU'RE obviously not qualified to make.
DubstepMasta 18
Grammar nazi alert!
ICastillo 25
Damn everyone left and getting grounded that's adding salt to the wound.
DubstepMasta 18
Theres always one guy that does this...