Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
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Top comments
JHC88 2
Wow, that was really rude of him.
123josie123 11
Ew they didn't have the decency to wait till you're gone??
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Comments (217)
Mimosa2 1
FYL and that sucks , I would tell both of them to f...k off !!!
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
I believe that's what they were already attempting to do.
vampireclique 0
17 - that is what the urban dictionary describes as a win.
twilightluvr101 4
Lol 12 seems like they took your advise
martucha854 11
Well, they actually just did that. ?
The_creator_fml 2
They should have used the "smoosh room".
cinderellacat 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How would you not notice that?
ladyLALAA 29
If you read the FML OP says that they were awoken by it, so I'd say they did notice!
cinderellacat 0
I mean him sneeking into the bed : P derp
raven_of_azarath 35
OP was sharing a bed. That means there'd be movement from the friend rolling over. If you can't sleep through someone sneakily climbing into the bed, you must not be able to sleep with anyone at all. Or with pets.
jaredjudd21 2
Why would your friend want you over in the first place? He should have at Least warned you that you might get kicked in the head during the niht
xBabySushii 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wait , you were in the same bed as your friend AND her boyfriend ?
t765234 10
20- No, they were having sex from across the room.
GraveRobber14 13
70-Hey you never know he COULD just be that long. Lol
Nova Solarius 10
Wrong. The blood loss from getting a six foot boner would definitely cause major issues.
EduJav321 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Props on them for risk taking!
reallysleepy 0
I think you should consider new friends.
haydonmikey 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
At least he kicked you he could have done it on top of you
Chazyj 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What would you of Said if he asked ? It's really a lose lose for him If you say yes what his girlfriend going to say If you say no are you just going to storm out in a hump ;) Just saying
floopyflooper 2
What....?
floopyflooper 2
Do people not proofread their posts anymore?
MrNiceGuy518 3
"storm out in a hump" ..... Wtf??
raphanne_fml 33
#47 The mental image coming from this is great though! I don't why, but I imagine them singing "Hakuna Matata" while storming out in a hump.
chellyX92 8
#24 So what your saying is its better that they were trying to knock the person off the bed onto the floor as they slept then waking them up and politely asking for privacy? Your an idiot.
The_Hitdude 12
*You're If you are going to call someone and idiot, please use proper grammar. That way you don't look like a hypocrite.
The_Hitdude 12
Dammit!
Chazyj 4
Reading back on this made me think wtf was I saying meh I do love the world of FML
chellyX92 8
An* damn it*
Octain 13
I think you're right XD
AxJxA 14
Your "friend" shouldn't have even had her boyfriend over while you were sleeping. Allowing her bf to literally kick you aside like that, just for some action, shows what a bad friend she is.