Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
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Top comments
tingting1 0
oooh yuckk good job on keeping your friend safe though :)
meezer008 0
u sound like a good friend
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Comments (87)
tingting1 0
oooh yuckk good job on keeping your friend safe though :)
Ajjas013 6
Sounds taaasty.
Intoxicunt 6
In some cultures, that means she wants your body. Go for it, dude.
alleyes 0
experience speaking? I bet your the party favorite
Intoxicunt 6
Well, I am "the nauseated drunk" at every party, but I've never barfed on anyone... And I'm generally not "the slutty drunk" no matter what that FB quiz says!
A12223 0
stfu ****
meezer008 0
u sound like a good friend
maxv_15 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you're an idiot. you should have just let her drive home and crash
iwadasn 33
You're an idiot. Drunk driving isn't something to joke about.
brandonsdick 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
driving drunk rocks ! so much funn
StantheMan93 12
Until you kill somebody.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Open your mouth. OM NOM NOM How did it taste?
marz88 0
Like chicken.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Mmm, yummy. :]
metakingt 0
That's what he said.
el393way 0
ewww that's gross. sucky way to be repaid for being responsible.
1337Steph 0
Rofl, I would have been so pissed and made them walk home.
tiancai 0
He should've just jerked off on her face and call it even ;)
Drewsius 0
You mean, you were rudely awakened? FYL, because that really sucks. You're a good friend, though.
mysecondskin 0
well you did the right thing by not letting her drive, and letting her stay at your place. though i wouldn't have let her stay on my bed :P
Phazzer 0
No kidding. Make the bitch sleep on the couch. Also next time you should probably put newspaper around her sleeping area.
scateice 0
Ooooooooo ]:o Harsh. At least you kept her safe :)