Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML
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Top comments
kumonsucks 7
Sir you have a neck. Looking down isn't illegal
Nighthunter 11
Good first impression! Especially on the dog!
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Comments (182)
183933 6
A furry football... I hate those dogs. I'd never kick one, but oh how I would love to.
clueless05 12
Noor I actually thought that too at first, but then I continued reading the FML and got it. Thank god I'm not the only one!
Maniac904 5
damn dude...
Eiregal2 10
I don't know about you lot, but for me this whole fml brings the memory of Jeff Dunham in spark of insanity and his skit about the " yapping bouncing Beanie baby" love it lol
Axel5238 29
That sucks, but kinda your fault. If your first response is too immediately kick something across the room without out even looking. Imagine if that had been a small child that ran up to say hi and grabbed your leg.
JiHadJoe910 2
Don't listen to these assholes.... It happens all the time with me I have boxers. When I go to visit my grandparents, who has chihuahuas, I accidentally kick them
akiahara 14
He didn't accidentally kick them, he punted the damn dog across the room when he was annoyed with it. Huge difference.
dancinwookie 21
Who are you? Gaylord Focker?
Steve95401 49
Keep your drop kicking skills sharp for the next few months. You might have a new career opportunity next season when the NFL training camps open.
hordriss 14
is it wrong that I found this funny?
suumbuum 13
Holy shit