Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kumonsucks 7
Sir you have a neck. Looking down isn't illegal
Nighthunter 11
Good first impression! Especially on the dog!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (182)
chinagirl3343 8
I have this hilarious mental image... Can't stop laughing. Lol!! 6 points! I hope the dog was ok.
jcorr_13 0
you kicked a small dog that tugged on your jeans, usually I tell the dog to go away not punt it across the ******* house.
Master0fTheDark 13
that is totally something I would do, since I have a big dog myself. I laughed so hard upon reading this. I hope the dog is alright :P
courgette67_fml 2
Y totally DI! Poor chihuahua!
vladimirnabokov 15
Call me cautious, but if a "hard shove" is your idea of telling your dog you don't wanna play, you shouldn't own a dog. I have a small dog, a Papillon, and I've also handled dogs as big as a Great Dane and I would NEVER shove/push/hit a dog in a hard or aggressive manner to get a message across like that. It seems cruel. A small pat or pull should be sufficient to get your dog to leave you alone. You definitely deserved that one. And a shove and a kick are two totally different things. Accidents happen, but that wasn't an accident. That was being lazy and careless and the chihuahua suffered from it. Shame on you OP.
alycion 39
That's when you give an innocent look, a slight shrug, say oopsie and slowly back out of the door. Once outside, run for dear life and never look back.
fuckisright 5
Wow. You're ******* dumb. You're too lazy to look down, and an innocent animal gets hurt. Shame on you. ******* idiot.
switch_blade_sas 4
I cannot believe the entrance into the family you made!!!! Epic is understating it my lad!
countappa 2
Somehow this doesn't seem like a real FML. Maybe it's just cause it reeks of stupid.
akiahara 14
Don't kick dogs, jackass.