Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML
Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
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Top comments
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Whacking?
brocept 0
would u rather her say jacking off?
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Comments (101)
GODs_uncle 1
I'm sure you had already eaten half a chicken, a large pepperoni pizza and two moon pies when she texted you! YDI, get your fat ass off the couch and exercise!
BugsBunny1 4
I find it strange that you assume he ate that much, and then insult him based on your assumptions! OP never even specified that he WAS actually eating!
_streets_ 19
Well don't be a little bitch next time and answer the damn question properly.
_streets_ 19
Well don't be a little bitch next time and answer the damn question properly.
DeadxManxWalking 27
then what? o.o
bighurt86 0
she cuda said sumthing else but obviously all u do is eat.
KRS_13 0
...so what were you doing?
CateXOX 0
At least she didn't say masturbating. You know it's the truth.
TheWorldGreatest 8
she knows you the best! you are probably a huge fat bastard.
silverstream20 20
I love it how everyone assumes the op is fat and insulting him for all you know the gf could be just being bitchy or making a joke
ShelbyyCakess 0
time for you to go on a diet? fyl.
muffinlizzie 7
So? That's what my guy and I are always doing when we talk to each other (eating). It doesn't mean you're fat (unless you are, you be the judge of that). Anyway we eat constantly and I'm about 5'2" yet I don't even weigh 100 and he's 5'8" and just about as skinny as I am. And hey on the bright side at least she didn't say masturbating.