Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML
Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML
Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML
Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML
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Top comments
Drew_D 0
I just laughed so hard I farted.
alwaysalady 0
My husband farted so bad last night, he woke our baby and the baby cried.
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Comments (68)
longtimesunshine 4
lol "ripped ass"
imPROcrastinator 4
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imhope 23
Holy shit. I just died laughing lol
lil_ham1644 29
The worst is the fart-******. Happened to me once. I was mortified. Luckily my bf & I have been together for 3 years & he just laughed it off
dantheman97 9
Lucid means very clear and easy to understand... I think you mean the exact opposite of lucid. That is the first time using one of the thousands of words that I learned for the SAT, well FML.
Daesh_fml 9
I don't understand where this whole "darting is rude, or at least unladylike" comes from. We're all people, gas is a natural part of living, and holding it in is if not bad for you, at least not good. Aside from that, if he can't handle a bit of gas coming out of you (which obviously he can: then he doesn't deserve you anyway.
Chaosshadowzero 15
He aint even mad
ScarredVox92 16
My fiance still won't fart around me. what's up with females?
indigohippopo 20
He probably just thought it was cute and was impressed nothing to worry about OP.
kayayye 22
well at least he didn't seem to grossed about it or anything bad like that