Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML
Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML
Today, I learned that repairing my car will cost more than it's worth. I'm barely making it paycheck to paycheck and I had to sleep in that car several nights this week after getting thrown out of my sister's house. Now I need a room AND a car. FML
Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML
Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML
Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML
Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML
Today, not only did my ex-wife take everything in our divorce, my most recent lottery ticket was off by only one number, I would have won millions and she wouldn’t have been entitled to a penny. Oh well, back to sleeping in my caravan, which is all I have left. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Feedmyaddiction5 14
That sucks! You should just go crazy and accuse her of sleeping with every guy in the state
every1luvsboners 11
So just drive around masturbating furiously until you get arrested. At least then you'll get 3 meals and a man to snuggle with.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
Okayitwasme 0
Well go find a girl to stay with. She thinks your doing it anyway!
IsBitchBetter 1
Your friends already know your wife is crazy. Trust me. We are in that position with another couple we know. This week the wife went to jail on domestic violence charges against the husband. A true friend will just want you to have a safe place to go. Seriously, sleeping in your car in December isn't healthy or safe, especially in NY in the winter. Please at least get counseling.
ohSNAPyall 27
Sell your car, and buy a divorce (or marriage counseling). I've seen ads for cheap divorces for like $250.
ohSNAPyall 27
Or if you need your car to get to work, sell your wedding ring to pay to get the divorce filed.
Jasonf6 0
KICK HER OUT!!! Why is it always the guy who has to sleep on the couch or in the car?????
Cv2 0
Okay, OP, since you didn't actually do anything, you should tell your wife that you are staying, and she can leave if she has a problem. No way would i leave MY home because I didn't do anything. Let her leave, it's cold out there.
Youwish1 0
divorce online for 299. Google it
chuckcloninger 12
Do you have a job, a paycheck? Open a new bank account and deposit your check in it. Move out, you will find friends very sympathetic and a good source of advice. You are going to lose the house anyway and no need to draw the line in the sand and establish some independence. Friggin grow up for Gods sake.
cccimpean 0
Might as well sleep around....
gofastguy 3
If your gonna be punished for something make it worth it..... Atleast you might get to sleep in a bed at the end of the night
bubo_fml 11
Been there, done that...Many times! I was real intimate w/ my hatch back & Army blanket...Ya gotta get out, Bra! Divorces can be expensive...Why? Because they're so fukkin' worth it! Seriously though, the best advice I ever heard was; "If you're not enriching each others lives, why are you together?" Keep ya chin up & good luck!