Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
DocBastard tells us more.
DocBastard 40
Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.
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Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
every1luvsboners 11
You do seem to be in quite a jam. I would definitely call a toe-truck. Holy Shat it's Doc!!!
talldude4u 3
Remember those parrots that repeat what you say, small children are very much like them.
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Comments (196)
StoryOfTheYear 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Not like she won't hear it later in life.
Keyman1212 14
She'll probably drink as well, so work on that too.
delilah09 6
While we're at it, let's teach her how to dance on a pole too guys ...
thor89 0
Dare you assholes compare cursing and sex
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Too far, guys. Curse words are still just words. She won't even know what it means anyway, and if the parents don't make a big deal of it she won't go around saying it just to get a reaction, the way all kids do.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Well, that went overboard real fast. XD
humorizer 14
Oh wow. DocBastard got an FML published. Congrats.
Keyman1212 14
Why is everyone ******** themselves over the bastard getting an FML published? What I really want to know, is how is Doc's other daughter doing? She's gotta be like 4-6 now maybe? And in case anyone ACTUALLY thinks I was being serious about drinking, I was speaking facetiously.
the_fuck_is_this 2
DB13_fml 3
Curse words are the least of your problems. Weed, alcohol, sex, college fund, and maybe more sex.
zurisbloodyrose 0
I think he deserved it. A father needs more self control than that. I broke my foot without screaming and I'm sixteen.
DocBastard 40
Had you also just been trying to get an angry, writhing, screaming toddler to sleep for two hours while being chronically sleep deprived? No? The two situations do not compare, kiddo.
Jovecove 13
Docbastard! Woohooo
Dalliance 4
Not only did DocBastard get an FML published, it was the first one he ever submitted. That's pretty awesome. Worth it to wait until you have a *really* good story to submit.
zurisbloodyrose 0
Actually, I have done that before. I have three younger sisters. It's happened a few times.
fpike17 0
Shut up....
ewputthataway 0
Wow, Doc is the most accomplished person I know. Not even being sarcastic. Seriously, anyone who can actually get their FML published deserves an award...
killedmyteacher 0
Ahhh they grow up so fast. Well if ur gonna teach him a cuss word, you have chosen the right one!
CalebEatsZombies 2
14 years old gonna start telling you to piss the ******* shit off :D I know I did
Akai_fml 4
Anyone who willfully makes the mistake of having a child really deserves whatever comes their way, so YDI.
DocBastard 40
Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.
gntfmlingnow 12
I really don't understand the big deal about it actually getting published. The first one I ever posted got published, though the 11 since then haven't. I honestly think it's a bigger deal that Doc posted this than that he got it published.
misfortunate17 6
Douche. Just bear in mind, you were the reason your parents ever hated the world. And I'm sure your parents didn't deserve to be curse by your existence.
talldude4u 3
Remember those parrots that repeat what you say, small children are very much like them.
cheesypies 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Exactly. YDI for being a father, but not able to watch your language. If it's such a reflex...
Falalala243 0
14- Obviously you aren't a parent..
ilyWoods 5
Being a parent doesn't make you an invincible, perfect superhero! They are still human. And having a baby doesn't make you grow up over night, it's a process!
Lovina_fml 8
My friends little sister has a wide vocabulary of profanity she has learned from overhearing her father due to his loudness. Her mom is not pleased at all.
yumlicious 4
My parents are perfect. They've never messed up!
margie2194 12
Awee Doc, you're a daddy? That's soooooooo cute!!!
OriginalimoaN 15
So, did she say, "****," THEN start screaming? Or what happened with that?
The_Troller 14
33- They had you, didn't they? OUCH
yumlicious 4
I was just kidding. Haha. I've been for the most part raised by a nanny. So... Yeah.
DocBastard 40
Original - the screaming came first. The "****" came later in the day, much to Mrs. Bastard's surprise and non-amusement.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Aw Doc, I'm sorry. This must be your first FML you've submitted after all of your smart remarks. Congrats and FYL. ;w;
WHOWASTHEPHONE 10
FYL, but congrats on getting it published!
every1luvsboners 11
You do seem to be in quite a jam. I would definitely call a toe-truck. Holy Shat it's Doc!!!
death_dolphin24 0
*insert girlie scream that sounds like she just met Justin Bieber or something
greg84_fml 21
Aww poor Doc, Sorry about the broken toe! Hope it heals fast. At least you got access to the meds.
ukrage 1
First time I've seen him post an actual fml
nava1210 12
HAIL TO THE KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
forkscop 0
Uh, can someone fill me in who is doc?
nava1210 12
If you don't know, you are either not on FML a lot or you are just not in our circle. Either way, I feel bad for you.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#152: In short, witty, famous person on FML.
crudeandrudeguy 29
You must not read the comments very often if you don't know who he is. FML celebrity, just saying that made me feel sad for humanity but you still have to love him
dasteve 0
They grow up so fast...
IhateMahLife16 0
She was gonna learn it sooner or later.
MsMeiriona 2
O_O my god, it IS Doc.
ceilingfans 1
When I saw it was doc, I immediately favorited it.
HappyJello 7
Sorry for singing stupid, but who's Doc?
HappyJello 7
I mean sounding.
every1luvsboners 11
HappyJello, if you don't know who Doc is we can't tell you. We're all sworn to secrecy. Let's pretend this little incident never happened. M'kay, good bye
Sicari 2
Whoa, Doc posted an FML???? never seen that happen, just comments
Juju123187 2
Haha this is epic. Nice one Doc, good luck with the wifey.
racheljessie 17
Holy moly! DocBastard wrote an FML!!!!! Don't feel bad though Doc, that could have happened to anyone. The things people say when they stub their toe!
iemislayer 10
Who is doc bastard???
MedKits 9
57- That's like asking "who is Jesus"
SeldomHappy 3
Umm, who is Jesus? Is he a friend of the doc?
Nanobytez 5
Is your island... Lonely? :D
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
And the moral of the story is.... you can't trust the system.
octopussperm125 18
Ahhhhhh!!! Kelly clarkson!!!!!!!
sadistmonkey 19
Swearing when you're in that much pain isn't really voluntary. I'm sure that this incident won't affect your daughter's ability to grow up to be a well adjusted person.
SlaveToRetail 10
It's surprisingly hard to censor yourself, especially when you manage to break a bone. I wacked my foot really hard today at work and could only say garbled gibberish to cover yelling profanity.
TheDrifter 24
Exactly. And congratulations on managing to be there for your daughter's first word Doc, as troublesome as it may prove.
octopussperm125 18
Shes now scarred for life by profanity. That mite take years of therapy to get her to overcome that traumatizing event
tennisrapper1 14
Well, she probably would have learned the word sometime later in her life anyways! XD
SamCat 21
DocBastard you always make my day :) and fyl because i've been there done that and it sucks
ohmandapants 17
My parents have been there. When I was about one, my dad dropped something and yelled "****". I walked around the house singing "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" for awhile :) And then I stopped. Don't worry Doc, she'll get bored of it if you guys don't react TOO harshly :-)