Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML
Today, I was nearly T-Boned at a stop sign by my ex-roommate. I moved 10 miles away to get away from her after her midlife crisis, and her losing the house, and now avoid her end of town. She now works outside my apartment. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
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Top comments
sweetjeebus 0
I'd rather stay in the car...
perdix 31
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I crashed my car intentionally outside your house because I still really love you but I don't have the courage to admit it to myself and definitely not to you. Thank heaven for "free" verse.
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Comments (84)
Boon_fml 0
first!!!!] OMG
allmidnighteyes 11
Exclaiming, "first!!!!" is only cool when you're finished doing a virgin.
The_Pleb 0
I thought you was a women at first because you said you crashed your car.... But then you said your ex girlfriend and i was like WTF!?!?! Dammit your a disgrace to the male species, just crawl back into your bedroom and only come out once you have grown a pair of lemons, and then you must wait for your coconuts to shrink so you can only visibly see the leafs. Thankyou for your time, I hope i helped. O and this is officialy the THIRD comment, Someone tell me im wrong? ok
chinCHILLaOUT 0
sorry, i accidentally re-posted. I didn't mean to!
floating 2
no, i seriously doubt that. nobody uses that terminology for cars. your car dies, or it crashes, meaning you smashed it into something. the only way your car would crash itself is if the breaks failed or something and you had no control of the car.
sodahhhr 0
likes this
anonymous1091 0
great call *cheers*. hahhahah . i dont know how people say YDI for things like this... oh well
BlueJeans2626 0
# 19 is such a douche!! and as for the FML... can you say karma?!
BlueJeans2626 0
btw number NINTEEN you're not the thurd comment :)
lolx7 5
wow.......
sweetjeebus 0
I'd rather stay in the car...
1sharpchica 0
Shoulda kept walking to the next house.
Morokea 0
Considering this FML comes from Spain, his English could be poor. FHL.
sexxxtacy 0
agreed. i clicked ydi jus cuz it was written like this
VeganVampyre 27
49- I don't think that's true, because they have this site in other languages, for the people who speak those languages.
catastrophicsock 0
"Today, my car crashed" WHAT?! That doesn't even make sense. Either you wrecked it or someone hit you. Also, why didn't you use your cell phone to call emergency services?
chinCHILLaOUT 0
Not everyone has a cell-phone.
evangldbrg 0
I had to read this fml over a few times for it to make sense. There's no need to write it like you're a liturgical scholar or something. "Today I crashed my car. The only place I could go to for help was my crazy (psycho) ex-girlfriend who wouldn't help me unless I wrote her a poem telling her how much I love her. FML" ...a lot clearer and direct.
lil_cig 0
I read it once and it made sense to me right away.
pingpongdj 0
me too. i understand it perfectly and i kind of like the way he phrased his post.
VeganVampyre 27
I don't. The grammar was horrible, which does make it a bit difficult to fully understand what they meant.
MBSC 11
It's probably a translation from Spanish. Since he's from Spain...
mpangz 0
I don't understand this.
fragmite 1
I think you're dumb...storyteller.
catastrophicsock 0
Um, that was in response to #18. Not sure why it posted it in the wrong spot
Polionixon 2
yes because everyone all over the world should know PERFECT ENGLISH. *sarcasm*
fatherpunk 1
Finally someone that doesn't complain. :) If you don't understand the FML move on.
someguy945 0
"My car crashed." I love how you blame the car.
xiaoxaio 5
lol win^
mitis 0
haha I thought it was funny! "my car crashed" is just a phrase, i getcha. I lol'd
Erindub 0
So...did you write the poem?!