Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it’s been a year since my brother-in-law started sleeping on our sofa. At first I had sympathy, but he hasn’t even been looking for a job, so when I found him wearing my robe, drinking my sherry, in my armchair, I evicted his ass. Now I’m the one sleeping on the sofa because my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML
Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML
Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML
Today, I can't sit down for a book or some TV without my wife coming up and moaning at me to "get a hobby, get out of the house once in a while, you never do anything anymore." I have a healthy, balanced social life, but maybe I want to relax in my own house for once. FML
Today, my wife wanted more space, so we moved to a new house. I signed a more expensive one-year lease and went through a huge move. Everything would’ve been fine if she hadn’t broken up with me one month later. Now I’m trying to renegotiate the lease and sleeping on the couch. FML
Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
Dude, you need to learn some anger and stress management. We all get frustrated at times. I totally get it. We are human. That said, figure out what she's harping on and deal with it like an adult. Or your new address will be New Home, Alimony Avenue, Child Support City, Divorce District.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm a woman, and even I think this is going a little far. It's been months? Wow, can she ever hold a grudge. I'm not justifying what OP did. But I do understand how one can get so frustrated at being nagged/bothered so often that they inadvertently lash out at someone, even a loved one. Should he apologize? Of course. Should he have spent some time on the couch? Probably. But after months, the wife should have learned to forgive and forget. If she's the kind of person who prompts her husband to react in such a way and then banishes him to the couch for months, maybe she's the problem, not OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
SirEnigM0nk 22
Dude, you need to learn some anger and stress management. We all get frustrated at times. I totally get it. We are human. That said, figure out what she's harping on and deal with it like an adult. Or your new address will be New Home, Alimony Avenue, Child Support City, Divorce District.
spinningrecords 14
Welcome to the neighborhood!
wiccaantje 21
So she's frustrated about something or multiple somethings and you don't think it's a big deal to fix it. But you do hate the harping that happens if you don't fix it? Have you consider fixing it to make the harping go away?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm a woman, and even I think this is going a little far. It's been months? Wow, can she ever hold a grudge. I'm not justifying what OP did. But I do understand how one can get so frustrated at being nagged/bothered so often that they inadvertently lash out at someone, even a loved one. Should he apologize? Of course. Should he have spent some time on the couch? Probably. But after months, the wife should have learned to forgive and forget. If she's the kind of person who prompts her husband to react in such a way and then banishes him to the couch for months, maybe she's the problem, not OP.
mha8649 8
just leave, find a divorce lawyer and bail. life's to short to be miserable.