Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML
Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML
Today, I learned that repairing my car will cost more than it's worth. I'm barely making it paycheck to paycheck and I had to sleep in that car several nights this week after getting thrown out of my sister's house. Now I need a room AND a car. FML
Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML
Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML
Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML
Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML
Today, not only did my ex-wife take everything in our divorce, my most recent lottery ticket was off by only one number, I would have won millions and she wouldn’t have been entitled to a penny. Oh well, back to sleeping in my caravan, which is all I have left. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
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Top comments
Feedmyaddiction5 14
That sucks! You should just go crazy and accuse her of sleeping with every guy in the state
every1luvsboners 11
So just drive around masturbating furiously until you get arrested. At least then you'll get 3 meals and a man to snuggle with.
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Comments (129)
thejedi08 10
you sure its not because your daughter's first words were "****"
fj19 9
It's cheaper to keep her. :P
MrLoux 6
You are a man. Break the door down, walk into YOUR room, climb in YOUR bed, and tell her that she can sleep outside if she wants. PERIOD.
livelobster123 14
Stop being so sexist. I'm a dude too, but just because I have a dick and facial hair and smelly armpits, doesn't mean I'm the "dominant sex" or whatever.
TallMist 32
That's not at all what they said. They're just saying that OP lives in that house too and can sleep in it if he damn wants. His name is on the contract/lease/whatever and he's likely helping pay the bills. He's right. If the woman doesn't wanna sleep with him, but he wants to sleep on the bed, she has to deal with it. She has no right to kick him out of his own house anymore than he can to her.
spazomatic 0
dude im sorry u know why divorce costs so much? cuz it's worth every dime
Timja83 0
Can't afford a divorce? Aren't they only like $250 these days? I'd rather go into debt and be happily divorced than be married to a phyco..
tyler2thextream 3
What does umpteenth mean?
AmbrosiaWriter 17
It means that it has happened so many times that the person lost count or that it has happened a lot and will probably happen again. Also, google is good if you are confused on definitions of words.
kubleeka 0
Emvarassed of what? Just ask a friend.
HerHotness 5
Go have sex with someone else. At least that way you have somewhere to sleep.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Unless she's the one paying the bills on the house. Then it would be HER house and HER bed. Just because he's the man doesn't mean he's the one who owns everything. We are not longer in the age where marriage immediately transfers all ownership to the man. PERIOD. Edit: That was in response to #178.
Hustlasaurus 9
She's probably sleeping around on you.