Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML
Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML
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Top comments
enonymous 9
Sounds hard. did he need a stiff drink to calm his nerves? I hope you told him he was a stand up guy and didn't deserve for her to bring him down.
YankeesUniverse 0
Meow!
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Comments (96)
boygeorgebaby 0
it kinda is something to be embrassed about...viva Viagra!
boygeorgebaby 0
I mean embarassed. stupid iPod. it's unfortunate for him though, FHL.
cherryblossomchi 4
total fyl but tell him that drinking doesn't help ed
llCHR15ll 0
Lol, it would be someone from Ireland wouldn't it.
gemzroxya 0
nice father son convos <3
TraceCase_ 19
Not the most appropriate Daddy-Daughter conversation. My prediction is OP will show up drunk on someone's doorstep in the near future. That kind of thing can really screw a person up. FYL
babycakess10 0
that's awkward.. haha
baconboy_42 8
I'm not touching this one.
skpcgirl 0
u do realize that he won't remember it the next day cos he was drunk, but u will! his ex sounds like a bitch!
darkkai 0
ED attack!
rjensen511 0
thats awkward! and for you sake I hope it doesn't run in the family