Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML
Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
enonymous 9
Sounds hard. did he need a stiff drink to calm his nerves? I hope you told him he was a stand up guy and didn't deserve for her to bring him down.
YankeesUniverse 0
Meow!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
oblio 0
OP, if your dad cut back on the booze, his problem might clear up, too.
blackmeadow 0
oh it's ok my dads ex girl friend made me break up with him for her because of that reason
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Hahahahahaha poor daddy tho
SadikOnuska 0
Oh, poor you. His life is going to hell, but let's all pity you.
Milky54321 0
hey dude ur a good son :) who cares i wish i could talk to my dad about anything
brandiebro 0
anyone knows how to send messeages?
whodisname 0
That is not cool of you to post. Ur dad has a problem with his junk, dude. Try and look at it from his pov. I have trouble with my junk every now and then. It is very bad for the ego. Both his and hers. It makes her think she isn't attractive. Damn cuz.
yousodi 10
" it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal!!!"
jpqm32 3
Viagra?
Nederlander95 14
Viagraaaa