Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML
Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
enonymous 9
Sounds hard. did he need a stiff drink to calm his nerves? I hope you told him he was a stand up guy and didn't deserve for her to bring him down.
YankeesUniverse 0
Meow!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
YankeesUniverse 0
Meow!
AnorexicMuffins 0
Haha well done.
persianjr1 7
well at least he is open with you!!
Isabel312 0
it's kind of sweet
teddybobo 2
plenty of medications for that
jcrob 0
kamagra jelly !!!
Tuesdays76 0
Viva Viagra.
CrazyDutch 0
ydi
Daerauko 0
and then I ask myself "where is sirin or the other mod's" the first comment and everyone attached to it needs to be deleted. (including this one)
Daerauko 0
heh, my comment gets deleted after pointing out how the mod's need to delete the whole thread attached to #1 and only mine got deleted. meow indeed
Primo_Loco 0
I agree with 44. if your dads drunk then dip out on the man when he starts gettin into that. ydi for stickin around even tho you can easily play it offf as if you weren't there.
elainelovesyou 7
Agreed with 7. But then again.. I don't really see the point of this fml. You're dad's open with you and whatever else, and you may had have to explain about his erectile, but it wasn't like he video taped it to show everybody..
eyez_lay_low1921 0
ur winning.!! haha
eddieyes 0
woof woof
mexicutioner123 0
chirp chirp
EvilCupcake8361 9
moo!!
LaidToRest48 9
On s'éclate!
LordMagus 9
Sometimes that's just where you find yourself healthwise. There are medications, and if those are out, toys. I can imagine the awkwardness of the conversation. It's him and millions upon millions of other men, get it checked out for his health though, so many underlying conditions can cause that.
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ahahahaha! :D
m0tl3ycru3 0
oh yes because this fml is so funny...
BahahahLOL 0
Get a sense of humor 36.
number1beaner 0
Viva Viagra!
CACC_fml 0
Hard thing to hear
Monjara 4
LOL
Jrefinne 7
Hard thing to feel. Oh wait, it wasn't.
ImaWiseGuy 5
tell your dad how life has it's up and downs...
DrDiamond 0
such a daddy's girl. lol! sucks for him and u!
mshooter 0
No pun intended?
Reina1123 0
How is that a pun?
this_female 0
hahaha(:
iamthelaw 1
This is sad
iLazy 0
If your dad can't be a dad, ask him to be a mum
comepoopwithme 0
they have pills for that
thepicoeater 1
there's an app for that
pinedo39 0
danggg
PeteyPablo12308 20
You're such a sweet daughter... Was that awkward at all? Lmao.
Daerauko 0
she's a liar. as if she would be with her man if he couldn't get it up.