Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML
Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML
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Top comments
enonymous 9
Sounds hard. did he need a stiff drink to calm his nerves? I hope you told him he was a stand up guy and didn't deserve for her to bring him down.
YankeesUniverse 0
Meow!
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Comments (96)
leeshxx 3
tell him to cheer up! it won't be that hard to erect the situation. don't be soft. stiffen up.
bubblekitty 1
:(
Mimiroxxi 0
haha that's awkward
KristinaKreme 0
That's a hard situation ;/ It's nice that you softened it up!
thatyngboyryan 1
to follow up on comment 43 i think softing it up is what got them in that postion in the first place. she should be hard on him lol
KristinaKreme 0
Hahah good point! ;D
1221jamw 11
OR she's ugly.
davek 36
Should have gone to the doctor and got some Viagra!
mariazzz 5
that's just wrong... What kind of father tells his daughter this shit? TMI Sorry OP that sucks...!
Izzy_Sixx 4
no puns intended? :P
paprikacha 9
I dunno, this one is kinda sweet...in a TMI way, but at least you have a good relationship with your dad. : ) And it could've been worse -- he could've decided to share the details of your conception with you. Thoroughly. *twitch*