Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
xX504DBXx 0
man... not the hot dogs. looks like he's just gonna have to resort to ramen. hopefully he doesn't **** that up too.
redbluegreen 41
Idiots, obviously.
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Comments (114)
TeaLover_fml 0
what does "comment moderated" mean?
Niki27x 2
it's means it got removed for some reason(:
TeaLover_fml 0
thanks :)
l3gz169 0
and what does OP mean?? like i know it's what you guys call the person who posted but what does iit stand for??
zyth 4
33- But to set them on fire?
TeaLover_fml 0
At least a woman's in the kitchen where she's supposed to be, right?
ruby84 1
well maybe a kitchen towel caught on fire while OP's poor roommate tried to remove the pot/pan. It has happened to me. actually when that happened to me, (i dropped the towel on the floor & put it out) but there was so much smoke that the smoke detector by my apartment picked up the smoke as well & set the fire alarm of the whole building... which caused the whole building to be evacuated while fire trucks came. it was -40 c outside and all the people freezing outside from my building kept giving me dirty looks.. I was just trying to learn how to cook though :(
iSitt 0
I boil hotdogs. bit it seems like a waste of water. I think I'll try microwave next.
ScreamAimFire 0
well maybe she was trying to make a campfire in the kitchen. i'll bring the marshmellows!
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Kill the roommate, eat the dog, sell the kitchen and then go watch Jackass with 33.
LFAM_fml 0
lol hehe
SlenderJames 0
Well if you're lucky, your roomate might be so imbecillic that he/she forgets how to breathe and solves your probem for you.
the_flirtt 0
time for a new roommate op.