Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My best friend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
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Top comments
jbuckets_404 39
So just how DOES OP know that's Shae's crotch doesn't feel like the gf's?
MidnaLink 35
At… um… at least you said “NOT Shae”.
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Comments (10)
MidnaLink 35
At… um… at least you said “NOT Shae”.
Hapaboy808 13
nice
TxKitten79 10
That's funny! At least you were making sure she wasn't Shae. lol
RichardPencil 32
So , even in your sleep, you know what Shae’s crotch feels like.
jbuckets_404 39
So just how DOES OP know that's Shae's crotch doesn't feel like the gf's?
Ashamed_Sister 60
After touching it often enough he might have some experience.
Michael Hicks 4
Maybe the expectation was that if she was Shae, she'd hit him for grabbing her crotch; whereas GF wouldn't... That seems a bit far-fetched, but, who knows?
donb23 23
Would be worse if Shae was her brother
graayfox215 15
Is your name tyrion lannister?