Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
xX504DBXx 0
man... not the hot dogs. looks like he's just gonna have to resort to ramen. hopefully he doesn't **** that up too.
redbluegreen 41
Idiots, obviously.
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Comments (114)
dealwithit84 0
revoke cooking privileges! make them eat sandwiches.
Zmeilerr 22
sammiches*
sam114 2
sandwiches is correct don't correct spelling unless actually spelt wrong a sammich is urban slang for a very well crafted sandwich as this person sets fire to the kitchen just making hotdogs then I don't think he/she could make a "sammich"
traze 7
All I read was,"fourth time."
AceArctic 4
Hot dogs are made of unicorns. I'm certain of it. The government is hiding it from us. P.S. Unicorns are very flammable, don't be so harsh to your roommate OP. :)
XoX_CUPCAKES_XoX 0
i cooked a oven mit once :( i not very good at cooking
SupermanXL 3
im getting tired of these "multiple time" FMLs. you'd think the personwould realize by now this should stop recurring somehow. and why wait to post the 4th time instead of the first time before it became common?
evilcartman 0
you can boil or microwave them...what an idiot
Chella69 0
I would think after the second time you would start looking for a new roommate and then after the third time just move out yourself.
lovingmylife84 0
clean your stove burners! the tiny bits of food in there are catching fire, idiot!
RedPillSucks 33
At what point are you going to realize that this happens every time you say "Woman, get in the kitchen and make me a sammich".
JosieBongs 0
I think YDI because you should've dropped the roomate the first time or second.