Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
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Top comments
xX504DBXx 0
man... not the hot dogs. looks like he's just gonna have to resort to ramen. hopefully he doesn't **** that up too.
redbluegreen 41
Idiots, obviously.
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Comments (114)
Mewzakuro240 0
There's a beautiful concept you're obviously not grasping, OP. It's called Common Sense. Common sense would dictate that people who can't cook without starting fires, shouldn't cook, for fear of starting a fire.
shanie123 10
I think it's time for a new roomate
redbluegreen 41
I think I'd really be put out on living with her. I bet it's really putting a damper on your friendship. Perhaps you should intervene before it all goes up in smoke.
BadasS14 0
stupid! lol
DocBastard 40
BadasS, until you can do better, don't rake us over the coals. Some of us like puns, so don't flame us for it.
Korill 3
Canadians apparently
mintcar 10
What? You should express your concerns until she GETS IT. If you can't cook and you know there's a possibility that you may burn down the house, then you should probably stay away from the kitchen. OP, either she sticks with frozen dinners or you handle the cooking from now.
redbluegreen 41
Idiots, obviously.
BloodyHeel 8
Oh dear.
DudeImBetter 0
why was 17's comment moderated. all he said was that idiots don't know how to make hotdogs.
seracy13 0
damn the blows maybe you should ban your roommate from the stove lmao
Ismellwin 0
Gotta give him props for determination.