Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML
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Top comments
jack10001 9
Your username says it all!
unknown_user5566 27
There once was an OP who lived in a shoe. Her boyfriend said she cheated, and gave her the boot. Little did she know, she was dating Dr. Suess, And shouldn't give a damn about losing her boo.
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Comments (99)
missbaby_fml 4
sounds like a lil kid
unknown_user5566 27
Sounds like a lil kid, says "missbaby".
JocelynKaulitz 28
At this rate you you should've cheated on him. But hey, maybe this is fate's way of telling you to go find yourself a real man.
Pleonasm 36
Why would you talk to missbaby or kyleekay like that? That's not very nice. This is Pleonasm's way of saying find yourself a real thread.
JocelynKaulitz 28
26 - You're talking to me about not being very nice when you're not being very nice yourself? Well okay, the irony sure made me learn my lesson.
GothicAngel17 24
30- I really don't see the irony.
Pleonasm 36
Man, and now you're ruining the word irony? "Irony" isn't applicable in every situation, you know. It would be "hypocrisy", except that it isn't because I didn't tell you to be nice I said get you're own thread, I was not serious when I told you not to talk to the others that way: I was deliberately mis-interpreting the target of your message since you didn't address it to OP. Gosh.
GothicAngel17 24
Pleonasm, that typo is making me twitch... I... I can't help it... *your
JocelynKaulitz 28
35 - Whatever you say :)
Pleonasm 36
Oh shit, aw balls, it's all ruined :(
JocelynKaulitz 28
Turn that frown upside down:)
Link5794 18
You're new here, aren't you?
patrickalamo 48
Next time try to date a man.
RoperGirl203 9
36 - *pats you on the back* their there they're
FizzyApple 3
Pleonasm, from what I've gathered from your comments you appear to be one of those self righteous college students who think they know everything because of their "wide" vocabulary and knowledge of basic English. By the way, I HATE puns.
lelo007 11
Well, Pleonasm, I find you punny :)
Zomg_Okay 27
107 - If you hate puns, you couldn't have picked a worse website to hang out on.
madskittlesftw 5
Holy Santa clause shit, 107 I honestly didn't know one could hate puns. Even if you DISLIKE them you're bound to laugh at them at some point in time.
BlueFlatts 20
I'm sure his parents are so proud, they have their little brat back.
jack10001 9
Your username says it all!
onlychildFTW 34
Pretty much. At least she knows who's what. But I think OP might go to jail for dating a little kid. Seriously how old is your bf OP?
DerrickJames 33
Mite*
MatteKudasai 17
71- I'm not sure if that was a joke...
mrnikc 11
73- I really hope it was.
Shadow_Phantom 26
I'm wondering how old this guy is... cause he sounds like he's 8 or so.
Epikouros 32
No, I think he's 27.
Hershey903 5
This guy reminds me of Crazy Steve from Drake & Josh "**** A DOODLE DOO, THE COW GOES MOO."
unknown_user5566 27
There once was an OP who lived in a shoe. Her boyfriend said she cheated, and gave her the boot. Little did she know, she was dating Dr. Suess, And shouldn't give a damn about losing her boo.
FinalTrigger 5
*golf clap*
herpderpherpderp 13
I read that in Cat in the Hat's voice :3
winkydog4056 16
#17_What is a golf clap? Is that the STD one gets by banging Tiger Woods?
CharresBarkrey 16
58 - A golf clap is what you do at golf tournaments. It's just really quiet.
winkydog4056 16
#64_Grassy Ass for the explanation -Wanky Dog
Trix_Disorder 20
None of these words rhyme. *downer*
FinalTrigger 5
58- it's just a quiet, somewhat slow clap.
skittles_fairy07 4
Omgee. I'm glad I'm not the only one who read it in Seuss voice. :3
skittles_fairy07 4
Trix, it's Dr. Seuss. The words don't have to rhyme. Because it's Dr. Seuss. And he is awesome. End of story.
Anti666 17
Were you dating a 5 year old?
annie_nk 23
Dude. Your profile picture is downright disturbing.
GothicAngel17 24
Stop looking at his profile.
CDABXXX 5
You don't need to look at someone's profile to see their profile picture, smart one.
CDABXXX 5
Just for the record, I was replying to 34.
annie_nk 23
34 is just repeating what his about me section says, just with the different pronouns. I thought it was clever. :)
CDABXXX 5
*her actually. I just went through 34's profile lol, congrats on the baby and engagement, 34!
RoperGirl203 9
Haha way to be a creeper, 48 xD although I do agree with you, congrats:)
nvo 6
Sucks, but you're better off without this looney..
Pleonasm 36
There, there, it'll be ok. Hopefully your barbie dolls are here to comfort you. DId you tell your mum about this little meenie? Now, don't stay up too late, and remember to do your homework!
MatteKudasai 17
The maturity level of OP's now ex doesn't necessarily reflect OP's age. Maybe she's just a cougar.
Pleonasm 36
*shudder*
RvidxrKlvn 8
There's no need to alert the authoriti-... erm i mean mommy poo, just yet. I'm sure this will all be resolved by nap time.
BlueFlatts 20
Someone deserves a time out to think about what he's said. On a side note; what's wrong with being a pumpkin eater? These are the holidays for it after all. Yumm.
BlueFlatts 20
Someone deserves a time out to think about what he's said. On a side note; what's wrong with being a pumpkin eater? These are the holidays for it after all. Yumm.
pokefan813 16
Say "sorry, I don't date children" and dump him. If he really is going to act like that, you're better off without him.
fugger973 5
how exactly can you dump someone if they have already dumped you?
pokefan813 16
I misread the fml. Whoops! xD New solution: kick him in the balls.
justbarb 11
you beg them to go back out with you and then when they finally agree you turn it around and say "sorry i dont date children." then you walk away with your pride
JessicaR92 4
How bout the anus it will hurt like hell
unknown_user5566 27
61- I still think kicking him in the balls, like pokefan said, would hurt more.
WCARlover 35
You were probably too immature for him (hopes obvious sarcasm is obvious)
RavingRavyn 4
Sounds like he needs his nap.
newbiehere99 6
Or timeout.
gators1995 30
Or warm milk