Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML
Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML
Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML
Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML
Today, while my husband and I were cleaning out a closet, he went outside to throw out some trash. He was taking a long time to return and I went to make sure he was OK. He was in the living room watching TV instead of helping me. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML
Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
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Top comments
ihavenolifehaha 16
He sounds really trashy
sweetbliss3 37
he sounds over dramatic. because he can't just do something nice and not act like a moron because you're married.
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Comments (113)
narutoreference 10
At least he didn't say your clothes were trashy
hk1998 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If I was that mad I would have done the same
MzZombicidal 36
Why? Because some random woman turned you down and bruised your poor little ego? Lol. You'd have no reason to be that mad in this situation just like him.
withered 30
Why? Because hk1998 is probably a "nice guy" himself, like the douche in FML. "I PRETEND to be nice, so people should line up to have sex with me (attractive ones only, ofc) despite me being unattractive, having zero personality and being a douche".
vikky538 29
what ever you found near trash is a trash....who would try to pickup a girl at dumpster...
ohSNAPyall 27
She was coming out of her apartment.
BananEnigma 24
Wow. Sounds like you have some major issues, dude. Get help.
Tegz0rz 12
Ugh. Fuckboys.
empbob 20
You'd think the wedding ring on her hand might have been a dead giveaway...
donutcallmethat 16
Exactly. He obviously blames the OP, for his mistake. He should have checked for a wedding ring before he asked her out. I've had some pretty scary experiences with men, who asked me out without noticing my wedding ring. I've learned to just make an excuse and get away from them, instead of telling them that I am married.
Deathknote 8
this made my day
shinikageWolf 15
Because apparently guys can't do anything nice without expecting some sex out of it. I apologize for my gender.
davincidasecond 24
Stop making sweeping generalizations, please.
ciammmm 11
Whenever I have heard some guy complain that women never sleep with him and he is always nice, I like to point out nice guys do not just do things to get laid.
buckysam 7
Wow, what a total douche bag.
reallitup2 6
geez. what a jerk. not to mention a womanizer.