Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I'm exhausted. For the second time, my fiancé and I have pulled my future sister-in-law off the pavement naked and drunk at 3 a.m. and couldn't find the purse or glasses she had with her. She’s hungover and has completely blacked out what happened. Never again giving her a place to crash. FML
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Top comments
allard 14
Atleast you're being a good brother, and looking after her. Could've been Alot worse.
clumsychik 1
She'll pass out eventually.
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Comments (134)
dellis44 7
"remember that time I stayed up.with you all night after you got hammered? yeah, well you owe me one." works every time.
sillycart 9
"every minutes like a lasso, let's just take it real slow" one direction reference....? Anyone? Okay.
EliHak 0
One direction sucks.
sillycart 9
Oh well more for me then.
SkoomaKi 28
^ No. I will see to it myself those 5 "guys" are slowly and painfully killed with a blunt butter knife covered in highly concentrated acid. I will then pour salt over their wounds and record their screams (which I will play back to them on repeat). As you can tell, I don't really like them.
Snafuusmc 12
She owes you big time! At least she didn't pass out in the McDonalds parking lot.
auspycious 0
Haha! Babysitting time!
DreamForMe 0
Those young drunken nights ????????
sup_life 0
Rape her ... She won't even remember hahahaha
LunarSoul 0
Incest is not best.
Unbweavable 17
The hell is wrong with you????
Dracoboxer357 36
41- I'm quite sure you Think you're making a joke, or being sarcastic or whatever, but forgive me if I fail to see the humour in anything to do with rape. :(
sierra142 19
You are an idiot and a sick individual.
reddudeover 2
41 - This is perhaps one of the most loathsome comments I've EVER had the severe displeasure of reading. There's nothing funny about rape in any shape of form (no not even prison rape)!
mishaparis 7
58-I agree. Joking about rape is very, very inconsiderate to people who have had loved ones in that position, or even themselves.
Dracoboxer357 36
74- I couldn't agree more. And I think anyone who sees the humour in sexual assault should go talk to someone who's been unfortunate enough to experience it. Go talk to the poor girl/guy/child that's been though that, listen to their story and tell me with if you still want to burst out laughing in their face. Real hilarious, eh? :p Weirdos.....
sup_life 0
Best time to rape her... She won't even remember Mwuhahahaha
kingchelsea 3
what in the blue **** is this
sup_life 0
Oops my butt pressed in random letters my bad
auzz1_pride 9
What a sad life you must have to even joke about something like that, at least I hope you were joking.
sup_life 0
Best time to rape her... She won't even remember Mwuhahahaha
challan 19
My brother and I are close like that. Op, you are a good brother and a good man.
ICastillo 25
Yup me and my twin sis are damn close too and have to agree you're a good brother for doing that OP.
Megan98 18
That's really sweet of you to do that. Well, at least this is something you can look back and laugh about. :)