Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, as a gynecologist, I’ve spent years telling people to be safe during sex. I should have known better, but I let my vagina do the thinking for me in a moment of weakness, had a meaningless anonymous one night stand, and I'm now pregnant and positive for chlamydia. FML
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, after I had drunk sex with my lesbian best friend a few months ago, she’s now pregnant and isn’t my friend anymore, because I apparently ruined her life, as her girlfriend dumped her, she’s already getting fat, and it’s too late to abort it. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for seven years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML
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Top comments
lovelyhippos 15
Maybe you should invest in some condoms and refrain from drinking. Might also want to get a paternity test. If you're going to get drunk and sleep around, at least do it safely.
Rsonicgamer_fml 6
Most people with gonorrhea do not exhibit symptoms. He SHOULD get tested.
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Comments (13)
John Raymond Matheney 6
she's probably lying about being prego
sarsuela 29
You slept 5 months ago and she only now finds out she is pregnant? That's unlikely (though not impossible). Get a paternity test.
peterblackmer91 12
You couldn't be bothered to use a condom and you're pissed she's pregnant? Do you men not understand his pregnancy happens?