Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML
Today, my brother‘s will read that everything would go to our other brother, so long as he punched me for having an affair with my his wife. So now I have a black eye. I’m gay, but I've never told my family. I didn't have an affair with his wife. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother-in-law's doctor. Apparently he's made threats and fantasizes about killing me. "Notifying you is the protocol for things like this" he said, and ended the conversation with, "have a nice day." FML
Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML
Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?! Did you look through my internet history? Bro… you alright?"
Welshite 40
You might want to imitate him and wear a tinfoil hat for good measure. You never know when the government can be listening in. They're coming for you, OP.
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Comments (71)
Welshite 40
You might want to imitate him and wear a tinfoil hat for good measure. You never know when the government can be listening in. They're coming for you, OP.
Jackimo98 24
Flouridated water is one of the few conspiracy type things I buy into, somethin' is fucky about it
IDontKnowaName73 17
It's healthy tho. And most water is naturally fluoridated, or atleast my towns water supply is
wallac7 31
Actually fluoride is toxic in high enough amounts. Also what the hell, your brother is crazy to punch you that hard over something like that
ewildawe 9
Actually, water is fluoridated because the enamel in your teeth requires floride to protect from the lactic acid that the bacteria in your mouth produce. Fluoride is just there to protect your teeth.
Soparot 29
Wait, I thought the tinfoil was to block aliens from mind reading you... Unless... Does this mean the government is built up out of aliens?!? *screams inside*
tantanpanda 26
The F- ion in our water supply converts our hydroxyapatite into fluorapatite, making it resistant to acids from bacteria and from the foods we eat. People should learn about the chemistry around them before making such stupid comments.
Xamry14 10
Key words are "high enough amounts". The concentrations are not high enough to be toxic. Alcohol can also be toxic in "high enough amounts" but I still enjoy it immensely.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Fluoridated water is fine, but my city (Portland) also adds chlorine to the city's water.
andrmac 25
Ew 49 I hate that chlorine taste I'd buy a Brita if that were my water.
Xcizer 17
The Government is made up of lizard people sent down by the aliens to colonize earth for the gem mining industry. Haven't you kept up with Keep Beach City Weird?
Tripartita 45
"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?! Did you look through my internet history? Bro… you alright?"
ManUtdFan743 21
Dude what have you been eating recently? Your comments have been the bomb. I see them in most FMLs haha.
Tripartita 45
I've been eating pretty normally, so I don't know what it could be… *sips glass of fluoridated water* …yep, it's a mystery.
vikky538 29
Your comments are dope! "Splashing some fluoridated water on my face!"
ManUtdFan743 21
You're such a smartass. I love it. Keep it up dude.
lifes_rough23 8
That's pretty rough OP. Stay up
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Good comeback, but it sounds like he had the punchline.
latsyrk 3
Good come back...next time remember to Bob and weave.
daycrae 8
Might have uncovered some closet issues there OP :P.
dontknow1 19
Man you should've punched him back.
Bekll 31
Hard to do when you black out.
Skycop_S 23
Sleep walk combat.
DDTeamSlayer 5
I would have kicked his ass...once I got back up of course.
moodyreallyrocks 27
ignorance is bliss!!
ShockBlast8879 11
He's an idiot. Sorry about your eye.
Nova900 17
Don't try to argue with logic. This people only get confused by that.