Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
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Top comments
princesspeachxox 18
Looks like he's getting his boogie on- on the carpet ;)
bedforddanesss 14
I've seen my brothers (who are 20 and up) do that constantly. I feel sorry you OP.
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Comments (37)
aimzskee 30
At least you know they are there and can avoid them? Gross though.
martin8337 36
Digging for nose nuggets.
thejonac 21
you should get a pair of slippers to wear at home so at least it won't get on your feet
bombielol 20
record it and post it on his fb I assure you he'll never do it again
cakefete2 31
And set the video to Kanye West "Gold Digger."
Violord 13
Never take your shoes off
vikky538 29
good thing you know that you cant lay down on carpet...
MyS3lf 24
My father in law does that, only instead of flicking them onto the floor, he just rubs them on his pants. This guy can't figure out why people don't like him all that much. He does that in public for crying out loud.
itsjusttofunny 8
dementia
captainsmegma 12
In my best Homer Simpson " mmmmmmm carpet boogers"
CheleGirl 10
lol so gross