Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, while my husband and I were cleaning out a closet, he went outside to throw out some trash. He was taking a long time to return and I went to make sure he was OK. He was in the living room watching TV instead of helping me. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, we are having work done and our chimney breast has a hole where a brick is missing. Well, my husband thought it would be funny to rig up some realistic spider leg things that would poke out of the hole next to my face. I had to wash the sofa cushion because I pissed myself from fright. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
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Top comments
kyliebear 15
i could never see myself staying with someone like him..
almariee 2
that is so disgusting.... eww I would've made him clean the shit up
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Comments (101)
kyliebear 15
i could never see myself staying with someone like him..
GlitteryMasakali 1
Whatever he finds up his nose is just dirt and dust that gets into your nasal passages when you breath in. Hey, atleast he doesn't eat em :P
rein 8
wow..there was a little mountain of bogger?! well all i can say is that your husband sure "nose" how to be pick 'em!
LiveLaughFML 10
he was up his nose, digging for gold.
kyliebear 15
the only problem is that he doesn't even bother to put whatever is up his nose, nice or not, in the bin or outside or down the drain :L
Tyger44 1
Jesus its not that gross.chill.if you make out with somebody its pretty much the same thing..
Deathhound 27
Agreed.
dre_bro11 12
THE KIDDIE PICK: When your by yourself and uninhibently twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is there is no limit. CAMOUFLAGED KIDDIE PICK: When in the presence of other people, you wrap forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile. FAKE NOSE SCRATCH: When you make believe you've got an itch but your really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers. MAKING A MEAL OUT OF IT: You do it so furiously, and for so long your probably entitled to dessert. SURPRISE PICKINGS: When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurtling out of your nose and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt. AUTOPICK: The kind you do in a car when no ones looking. PICK YOUR BRAINS: Done in private this is the one where your finger goes in so far it passes the septum. PICK AND SAVE: When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and than you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did. PICK AND ROLL: No explanation needed. PICK AND FLICK: Ditto. PICK AND STICK: You wanted it to be a "PICK AND FLICK" but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip. PAYDIRT: The kind when you remove a piece of snot so big it improves your breathing by 90%. Sorry bout the length ^.
KiddNYC1O 22
Paydirt for sure. Such a relief removing those big ones.
musicfreak9821 6
YDI for not cleaning for a while to not notice a freaking mountain!
marpay 11
59- you mist regularly flip over your couch and clean under there to be so judgmental. As for me, a group of gnomes could move in under there and I wouldn't know till I moved apartments.
FarSide 23
So BIG in fact, that my Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) Doctor refers to it as "Crusting". I build up "Crusting" extractions all the time. My favorite place: The underside of my nitestand. Don't mess with my "crusting stash".
MissBunnyWillEat 11
32- Idk about you, but when I make out with someone, I don't stick my tongue up their nose... maybe you're doing it wrong.
jweezy89 4
Wow # 1 no wonder 51% of marriages fail in this country. If everyone thought like you and would quit on a marriage over this, it would be 100%. Everyone has some gross habit, deal with it.
kyliebear 15
I never said I wanted to quit the marriage, i just said that i could never see myself with someone like him because sometimes on the underside can attract small insects (weird i know) and you have thenm crawling on your couch.
kyliebear 15
and its not healthy for anyone to have insects crawling in your couch especially when you have young children
almariee 2
that is so disgusting.... eww I would've made him clean the shit up
cudi504 4
I would put it in his next dinner an not tell him until after he eats it lol
coolkid_matt 11
Wow yuck that's creepy :S
savagearmz 6
Yum
16rrpass 0
Weirdo
Feklfekl2222 32
It's an anniversary present he's been making for you
jarednt39 5
5- your picture is defiantly "Winning!"
rebekahah 7
At least it's under the couch where no one can see it, but when Mount Sticky gets too big, he may have to relocate it to your entryway.
FarSide 23
Ah yes... Mount Sticky... a part of the "FarSide Range". Where you will also find Mount Amber (earwax stash), Mount Lint (belly button extract), Mount Pube (lint, hair, crud that hides in the foreskin between showers), and the ever-popular Mount ToeJam. And on a clear day, you might get a glimpse of Mount Dandruff (but usually only after a week or two of skipping the head wash). I just like to continuously clean myself between showers.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Surprise :D
AshleyCole 0
You don't do that..??
jarednt39 5
8- You are too fine , leave a mountain of whatever you like ! :)
mk58 31
No. Just no. Use a different pickup line next time, 11.
CryMoreFMLs 15
How about NOT using pick-up lines at all. You want to flirt, use PMs, don't use the forums.
rroxie124 5
Hahahah..
marpay 11
This Fml made me gag. Use a scraper and relocate it to his pillow.
FarSide 23
Well that is just nasty.
Jimboom 12
Hey now. Don't go messing with Mount Pickabigcrusty woman! It took me ages to sculpt those glorious peaks!
crazyluvbug 8
I love full metal alchemist! That's a cool pic.