Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
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Top comments
princesspeachxox 18
Looks like he's getting his boogie on- on the carpet ;)
bedforddanesss 14
I've seen my brothers (who are 20 and up) do that constantly. I feel sorry you OP.
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Comments (37)
Oyas12 14
Tip-Toein' in mah white socks tryin' to dodge snot.
ThePols 11
You need to assert dominance. Do the same thing as him, but stare right into his eyes while you do it. He'll stop.
worldclassrager 41
It's not best to crush someone's dream (whatever this one may be) but this one has to be crushed
Jaevwyn 17
Demented being the right word op
scoutlover 4
My 22 yo brother picks his nose and wipes it on things, including my fuzzy blankets. I feel for you.
Matheo_fml 21
OP! If you are old enough: GTFO!!!
Mortoli 30
Lol its nearly Christmas. He digging for gold to put under tree. Lol
Shooter40 2
there are two types of people in this world. people who admit that they pixk their nose, and liars
Venister 11
Just reminded me of Nicholas cages face on the Mona Lisa
isnobodyhere 32
No more barefoot adventures..