Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Wine about it
Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML
Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML
Pissed
Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML
Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered three before lunch. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML
Fragile
Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML
First impressions
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML
Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML
Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Well thats one way to get it open.
Dilwann 27
Why would anyone need to buy a $400 bottle of wine? Being a cheap ass myself I found a delicious tasting one for about $4. And sure, I get paying as much as $80 for wine... but 400? That's just a waste of money. Remember, a higher price doesn't always means better taste.
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Comments (119)
mackdeezy 22
Well thats one way to get it open.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Now the only logical thing to do is to grab a straw and try to salvage as much of it he can, right?
Superstitious 6
That stuff doesn't grow on trees
evan_7899 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Actually, it does. Wine is made from grapes. Grapes grow on trees. Mystery Solved.
the_zero_article 15
Umm no.
Derpet 18
#42, pretty sure grape vines aren't trees.
Enslaved 38
"I heard it through the grapevine not much longer would you be mine."
whatafuckup 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sue the company
xnyletak 17
For what? They didn't drop the bottle.
shift24q 6
that was funny but you ***** dont understand sarcasm
aimzskee 30
Why people spend so much on wine amazes me.
Aksta 18
You really corked that up
Rainhawk94 27
It really sounded better in your head, didn't it
Cadillac4427 8
No dear, just no.
StompinOnCrayons 15
5 stars for effort. *****
aedan12 15
I think you meant "You really (cork)screwed that up."
karystaal 12
smashing.
NandaPanda 22
I thumbed you up just cuz your comment reminded me of "The Wild Thornberry's" and I loved that show as a kid lolz
ironmany_fml 23
If by smashing you mean the pic in which you are showing your boobs then yes it is smashing indeed.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I miss Doug.. That show was the shit. And Hey Arnold. And Rocko's Modern Life. And.. The Angry Beavers! Man, do I miss The Angry Beavers.. That was my all time favorite show as a youngin. They don't make cartoons like they used to.
Dilwann 27
Why would anyone need to buy a $400 bottle of wine? Being a cheap ass myself I found a delicious tasting one for about $4. And sure, I get paying as much as $80 for wine... but 400? That's just a waste of money. Remember, a higher price doesn't always means better taste.
doodlecloud 27
I thought this kinda thing...but then I thought what if it was at work, for rich clients or something? Unlikely as it's not mentioned but that'd be a double FML.
DocBastard 40
Dilwann, perhaps your cheap palate can't differentiate between a cheap wine and an excellent one, but I guarantee that a wine connoisseur, someone willing to pay $400 for a bottle, can. I also don't think it's your position to say what is or isn't a waste of money.
KainMoogle 21
The waste of money was when it smashed
boating_guy 33
Everybody has their vice of choice they're willing to splurge on. For some, it's wine. Just because it's a "$400 bottle of alcohol" doesn't mean it needs to be frowned upon. Also, when it comes wine and expensive drinks, people care about more than just the alcohol in a beverage, such as craftsmanship and prestige of the drink. I happen to have had a few tastes of bottles of wine worth several hundred dollars in my time, and I can certainly say they are astoundingly delicious. Worth the money? That's up to the individual. Only he absurdly rich would spend money on alcohol like that for the purpose of having an alcohol to consume.
oj101 33
As with everything these days, the price is based on 5% substance and 95% marketing.
Ambient25 25
Sounds like my ex
Dilwann 27
DocBastard, you're right in saying that it's not my place to tell others what can be considered a waste of money. I seem to remember though that there is not a significant difference between experts and laymen when it comes to wine tastings (or beer, not certain). I've tried looking up some articles to back up that hypothesis, but didn't find anything with the right topic. boating_guy, not everyone is willing to splurge on anything (taking myself as subjective example). It is also not because it's alcohol that I frown upon this example, just the immense amount of money paid for it. This also implies that I don't care about the alcohol in a beverage, but certainly do acknowledge one drinks for the taste. This is also why I mentioned the very cheap wine that tasted delicious. I'm also not denying that expensive wine can be delicious. I'm just saying that one could get one with a great taste for far less money as well, in which case spending a lot of money seems like a waste. I can't argue with the 'for the prestige' part though. A lot of people want to seem successful, even though they're not necessarily. I personally find prestige to be of lesser value than the practical use of objects, but that's just my opinion.
glabberfasted 16
I'm sure you have SOMETHING you splurge or spend lots of money on, though. I think everyone does, and it's their business, and their business alone, what they choose to do so on. Personally, I think it's completely ridiculous that people spend $200+ on video games, but I wouldn't dare tell them that, because it's their money. I would rather put my money into my cars.
Dilwann 27
Well, I told you, I'm a cheap ass. The only thing I spend a lot of money on is plane tickets to go see my long-distance boyfriend... but again, that's a practical use. I still buy my tickets as cheap as possible. I would challenge you to make me see my 'object of splurging' but I think that would take some time.
Ambient25 25
OK look. Splurging is a matter of preference and perspective. Some people have the money to buy $250 entrees at a restaurant let's say, other's barely have enough for Chilis. It doesn't make either the better or the worse. I know a guy who has the money for a Ferrari yet still drives a Toyota Camry. It's just based on people's tastes. If you've noticed, everyone is guilty of splurging. I guarantee you spend more per day now than you did 5 years ago. It just goes with the territory. If you get a great job that pays double let's say, you wouldn't be against spending 50% more on yourself each day. I don't really see what the argument is here though. It's like telling people what position is best in sex. It's just based on preference and what they like...
Dilwann 27
I would say there's a strong semantic difference between 'spending more' and 'splurging', but then again, I'm not a native English speaker. I interpret 'splurging' as spending an amount of money on something that other people generally would see as extreme. And I don't consider this conversation as an argument in the bad sense of the word, more like a debate.
Ambient25 25
Everything can be considered extreme. There are people who would question the purchase of a coffee per day as extreme, not in the sense of drinking it but that it's $40 too much over the course of a paycheck. I dunno, I see splurging as spending lots of money. You can splurge on what you enjoy, but for the most part it requires extra money.
Dilwann 27
That's why I mentioned it being seen as extreme 'generally speaking'. I doubt most people would think a coffee a day is extreme. I'm thinking more in the direction of the stereotype of women that go shopping once every (few) day(s) and own 50 handbags and 80 pairs of shoes. But I do see your point.
Dthsapprntc 23
I always thought splurging meant to spend money on something you want thay you normally wouldn't spend money on. For example, I hardly ever drink soda, so when I on occation buy a $1.50 bottle of coke I think of that as splurging. Or if I decide to go out to eat instead of cooking at home, even if it is somewhere cheap, I think of that as splurging. That's my two cents, feel free to ignore.
oj101 33
#4 - I guess it's all relative as people value different things differently. 10 years ago, I lived in a pretty poor part of the UK where I remember that I couldn't even get a £2 magazine if I asked for one --- then my parents struck it rich and we are pretty wealthy nowadays in Australia. For me, I have no problem with spending $150 on a steak, $350 hoodies (GANT/Crew) or $2,500 on a MacBook Pro etc but I would never dream of spending more than $10 on a t-shirt, $2 for pens or even 30 cents for a carrier bag at the supermarket.
falon142012 22
Ambient, that's what I call the "human mentality." I don't know if it has an actual name, but I talk to my husband about it all the time. When you make more money, you want to spend more money. And I hate that about humans, myself included. For example, you live in a decent apartment and drive a decent car. You get a pay increase, let's say double what you were making, and now you want a NICE apartment and a NICE car. That's all fine and dandy, but the next pay increase or better job and you want even more. When in all reality, the way I see it, if you would stick to the decent apartment and decent car for maybe a period of ten more years, you would save your extra money and then maybe you'd have enough to buy a house! But people just don't work like that. A rare few do. My in-laws, as an example of the human mentality, started off pretty broke. And every time they got better jobs or pay raises, they'd move into something better, get a better car, or two, and be content for a while. Now they own their own house, but it's isn't that nice of a house, and like 10 super nice cars. They EACH make 6 figures a year, and they do have the right to spend it how they want. And I'm not bashing them, just using them as an example to say, maybe if they had put off the expensive cars for a few years, and going out so much, they'd be able to build their own super nice house by now. But they take cruises every year and constantly blow money on nights out, yet then complain that there's no money for groceries. It's important to always keep a sense of your priorities as you move up in life. If I had that much money, I'd damn sure be saving for the nicest house I've ever seen, so that my kids can always have something to come home to. And if that meant driving my decent car for a few more years, so be it. Human mentality can be terrible.
Ambient25 25
Totally agree with you. It's sad too. My friend gets asked all the time why he doesn't turn his car up a notch. How he has wealth yet "shows" he doesn't. It's really none of their business. But then the question pops up. Is that 'human mentality" more to our nature, or to the acceptance to society? The "norm" that more wealth means higher spending.
FrankHotpants 31
If you have the money to do so then it may not sound so silly. That's like wondering why people don't all drive the same car, they all get you where you need to go right?
doodlecloud 27
DocBastard and Dilwann - As you couldn't find one, here's an article that collates different studies, all that found that there was very little, or no, actual difference between expensive and cheap wine. I don't really like wine myself so I'm afraid I can't contribute my own opinion but I thought it was interesting.
doodlecloud 27
Hmm, either I forgot the link or I guess you're not allowed links in comments. Google 'expensive wine is a waste of money, experts say'.
alaarch 7
There was a study conducted on wine connoisseurs where they gave them wine and told them it was expensive, to which the critics described it positively, and then gave them wine and told them it was cheap, to which the critics described it (incredibly) negatively. In reality, it was the same bottle of (cheapish) wine. I'd never be able to spend that much on wine, but whatever floats your boat I guess. OP Just remember, you're paying for the name/age/etc of the wine, not the taste necessarily. This applies to most things that are extremely expensive.
gc327072 31
Need? Humans only NEED clothes, a warm straw hut, a bit of attention, and a few scoops of porridge. I don't get people like you: Why do you NEED a $200 leather coat? Why do you NEED a $400 bottle of wine? Why do you NEED a car that goes 0-60 in X seconds? Why do you NEED that video game? These aren't things that anyone NEEDS, these are things people WANT. If someone wants to buy an item with the money they earned, who are you to question their taste? God forbid someone have different things they like to spend their money on.
fluffywaspluka 7
#39 Totally agree, steak is always worth money. Apple, not so much.
mythicaltimes 15
Did you have some bottled up anger?
iknowiwantyou 13
Nah I'm guessing he's just more of an amateur. OP next time stick to wine that's more along the lines of foral douro.
thenewgirl29 20
If you have 400 dollars to spend on a bottle of wine, or someone who would give you a gift like that, your life doesn't seem too bad.
yoyo84_fml 4
Fair enough
cheshirecat13242 32
I bet a $3 corkscrew would've prevented this FML from being born..
False_Stupidity 42
This prompts the deep philosophical question... Are FML's born or created?
Ambient25 25
If you were trying to impress your girlfriend's dad OP with an "amazing" wine then I can nod my head in understanding. But for dropping it...you better lick that shit!
karlcolt45 19
with a sponge, a funnel, and a couple of empty beer bottles, you can save your 400 dollar wine along with a teeny shred of your dignity
RedPillSucks 33
How does being on your knees sponging glass shards filled wine off the floor help your dignity?
_Heisenberg__ 15
Get slurping
karlcolt45 19
get yourself a nice 80 dollar straw and hit it