Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML
Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
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Top comments
DirtyDiana_fml 0
lmao damn bitch dont bite.
xMrAndyTranx 4
YDI. You scraped his man meat with your teeth. SMFH
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Comments (214)
soad_fml 0
nat365 quit using google an find real facts from educated doctors
marc_with_a_c 3
Hope he's good with his fingers and tongue ;)
mbaim7 4
I bet you made a few Rabbis proud.
mbaim7 4
How many licks does it take to get to the center? Anal takes more preperation. Sand doesn't make good lube. I guess you and Loraina Bobett have something in common.
andrewms 0
Meh, you two aready had quite enough sex from the sound of things... Why are you so upset about your honeymoon?
tony8pie 0
Diagnosis: Phimosis Treatment: Circumcision Problem solved!
JorgeM 0
Only if you're a barbarian. Phimosis is better treated with stretching exercises and steroid creams. Of course, that's not a good money maker for a for-profit American doctor, so they don't like that method.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
Diagnosis: Headache Treatment: Decapitation Problem solved!
a192837465 0
haha don't mind if I do
a192837465 0
haha don't mind if I do 74
inders 0
omg gross!
SupaSwaggin 0
bahahaha, WTF were you doing