Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, I found out that I need a hysterectomy. When I told my boyfriend of 2 years, he broke up with me, because he didn't have time to "coddle my feelings". FML
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I was supposed to leave for Switzerland for a month, to see my boyfriend whom I haven't seen for over 6 months. Unfortunately, I broke my leg three days ago and I now I need to stay home and get surgery. FML
Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML
Today, I just had surgery and my wife finally wants to have sex. Not that there haven't been enough other days in the previous years of marriage… FML
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML
Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML
Today, I just had knee surgery which has put me on crutches for 6 weeks. I fell on my ass after washing my hands after using the bathroom. Ashamed, my boyfriend and father had to pick me up. I destroyed the towel rack, ripping it of the wall. All this pain is now potentially for nothing. It's day 4 post operation. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MrDanimal 0
As soon as you heal up, injure his man parts. I think that's only fair. Then ignore him for six weeks.
rachii 0
Sucks to be you. Oh well, find someone who doesn't just want you for sex.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (163)
rachii 0
Sucks to be you. Oh well, find someone who doesn't just want you for sex.
novair 5
def. time to find a new bf.
banana_buddy 6
No it's definitely time for the bf to find a new gf, how is he going to survive 6 weeks without sex, poor fellow...
cozzygirl 0
he has hands. he can deal with it
lizamaphone 6
in this case, "boyfriend" might mean "**** buddy". that's what "grown-ups" do, lol.
nicobington 1
45 is a win
Jizwold 0
just cause her ****** is ****** up doesn't mean her mouth or ass is. ops boyfriend is an idiot
mightymart 5
knowing she cant satisfy him with full intercourse she should at least satisfy him with oral sex and hj... but her boyfriend is a dick so she should just dump his ass
bonicr 0
What the **** do you expect OP... you have sex with people you're not serious with and yet you expect maturity? He probably got with you for the sex and you probably already knew that and it just sucks to admit that you're a two bit *****. Maybe you should wait till you're nearly engaged next time before sleeping around, or sleep around and don't expect more of men. Say what you want about this comment; "assumptions, it's not the 19th century, people have sex before marriage, etc etc" but this is the ****ing truth about what happens and it's due to those things. There's no getting around it; if you closed your legs a bit more, you wouldn't be in this sort of situation.
yetanotherginger 19
how do you know if you're nearly engaged? unless you overhear him saying he's going to propose, it's meant to be a surprise isn't it?
crazycry 0
#146 you can't make broad statements like that. you don't know anything about their relationship. maybe she thought they were serious. maybe he was her first. you just assume that she sleeps around. kinda says more about you than it does about her. and what does being engaged or even married have to do with anything? you can be fully committed to someone and not be married. her boyfriend is a jerk and yeah, she messed up for picking a jerk. but the fact that she already had sex with him is pretty irrelevant to the fact that he's a jerk. btw OP, your boyfriend is a jerk. he's probably always been a jerk and he's most likely going to stay a jerk. save yourself future heartache dump him.
purple_sarah88 0
All I've got to say about this comment is it's so going to get moderated for attacking the OP. Read the rules next time or everything you have to say just looks stupid. Mind you it does anyway...
kocoman500 2
lmfaaooo, what kind of surgery was it???
zakkyzebra 11
Why can't you have sex after fake tit surgery? That's what she meant by girl parts.... right?
jckbco 0
ha, good luck with that #1
Sadochan 0
That's worse than my momma's girl parts. Hotdog down a Skagg den, if ya know what I'm sayin'?
Prankster7o7 5
nice Borderlands reference.
expectcriticism 13
if you stuck around with him after that you deserved it.
541MedfazWcM 0
FHL
armman 4
wannabe smart spic
brewedintexas96 0
^ win hahaha.
that1guyyy 12
her you idiot
wisericky 12
if #2 ment "her" wouldnt he of put FYL? not nice to insult someone when FHL could mean her or his.
krazy_glu3 0
pretty sure he meant FHL as **** his life. cause he's not going to be getting any sex for six weeks. if he meant her, he wouldve said FYL
MrDanimal 0
As soon as you heal up, injure his man parts. I think that's only fair. Then ignore him for six weeks.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
I think it would be worse if she injured his man-parts and then insisted on spending every waking minute with him, until he healed up.
C6Racer 0
Lmao. Agreed, Taylor.
sourgirl101 29
Why wait for her to heal up? This way they could both be out of order at the same time. OP, sorry you're only worth as a ****** to your boyfriend. He should already be an ex.
C6Racer 0
34, seeing as how she is only worth as a ****** to her bf, it would suck for him not to be able to have sex with her if he got injured once she healed. On top of that, OP being with him the whole time during recovery, essentially teasing him, would be the perfect way to get back at that douche of a "boyfriend".
sourgirl101 29
48, I'm sure you understood it was a joke but let's look into this. You think it's best for the OP to have to wait to have sex three months providing she is faithful to this asshole boyfriend? And I don't know of any guy that would stay with a girl after she purposely hurts his man parts. (:
RavenNight 0
i like ur idea number 4
C6Racer 0
Is it just me, or are jokes just not funny anymore?
KasCiaYr 0
Why don't you cut your male parts off instead? that would only make justis cause you dont use them anyway.
koko_ov 6
I reckon injure him now so he can't have sex while you heal then injure him again after you heal so he can't have sex while spend every min of the day teasing him and once he heals dump him. :)
HaloMaster1999 1
nice way to get sued imo
georgey32 0
he's doing ur friends...
Ariasmake_1 0
that's what happens to girls with no personality. OP maybe you should learn how to hold a conversation.
Lawlipop 3
Right. Because, of course, only girls with no personality get used for sex.
Avenged7Gabe 0
like you have a personality
drjohnnyboy 15
You make no ******* sense
Ariasmake_1 0
your dad is a real man!
TrollsHaveSouls 0
did this give anyone else a boner or cream?
oliver86 8
nope just you as far as I know
gregoriit 4
Offer him a BJ. then your life would really suck.
carcinogan 0
llmao irony win!
AkuskaUK 6
dump him.
TheGenius 1
And you're still calling him your boyfriend? Tell me, why exactly haven't you dumped him yet? He obviously doesn't care about you, so why do you still care about him? This might sound harsh, but really, don't put yourself through the pain.
prinzess_fml 25
I would say the two of them are not very creative. Why not say it is ******** and anal only for six weeks? Or ******** only if anal is not possible?
Zebidee 9
#14 - exactly this. If I was a girl, I'd like to think that my boyfriend saw me as something more than a self-warming wank sock.
platypus546 24
holy crap - best description ever - OP needs a new BF
MissFukMyLuck 0
funny story men, most women DON'T like anal. think about your own sad dicks in your own asses before you ask us :)
monnanon 14
@85 why should she had to pleasure her bf while she is in pain, maybe if he had hung around he would hve gotten blow jobs. As for anal, are you stupid! she has stitches in her lady parts anal sex could easily tear stitches.
XxXColourmeKitte 0
Even if those men are gay? ;')
nedax 5
145 looks like a dude.
Sinkhole 26
And you look like a question mark, 181, you should know that punctuation marks are not attractive at all. Don't be such an asshole.
jobint_fml 0
well said 183
bananamonkee 0
hahahaha nice