Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
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Comments (214)
kwosti 0
POLICE! Police, Police. report the fu@*er, and take lots of care. PS this is a great way to meet people... now you have an interesting story to start conversation with!
Headcase 0
Check out who in town goes golfing regularly and watch for people's reactions when you show up at the golf course. Find the stalker and hand him the golf ball with a restraining order written on it.
shadow_child 0
That's creepy. But hey, at least now you know you look hot when you sleep. ;)
eiji_chan 0
OMG that is one of my worst fears!!! Waking up in the middle of the night to see someone staring back at me >< FYL ...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DDDX
thekush 0
yeah... you probably should make some friends, get a dog or move out.. thats some creepy shit.
j_buggy 0
that's creepy!!! get pepper spray!!! and keep it with you 24/7!!!
1Tsk 0
that's kinda hot ask him/her out
alexandriamarie 0
STALKER ALERT
yojoeletsmakeout 0
leave him a reply on a different golf ball. i dare you.
aphrodita 0
Damn, that's really creepy. :X