Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
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Comments (214)
Mikeymikey 4
Today, I saw a hot chick through the window, so i went down to her door to knock on it and invite her for a cup of coffee. unfortunately i had no balls, only a golf ball... so i left it under the door mat with a note :)
Endymion_fml 0
Buy a gun. Just in case.
kittypot 0
lol that sucks. he'll probably end up following you to a bar or something and flirting with you. the two if you will end up married with kids in 10 years and he'll confess to the early days of your relationship when he watched you sleep outside your window with night vision goggle and kleenex...
Anajox 0
It's probably just someone trying to scare you. As a teenager my friends and I used to cause trouble by putting nonsense like that everywhere.
Vasir 2
My thoughts exactly, 58.
ammali 0
Um... I'd call the police and give them the ball. It will probably have fingerprints, though they'd be hard to get from the dimpled surface. Maybe it sounds like overreacting to some people, but better safe than sorry.
YankfanZZTop22 0
#8 ftw
Atropos_fml 0
#44, you're joking, right? I personally think it's just a joke played by some pre-teen boys, or even girls. If your curtains are closed and your doors are locked, I wouldn't take this as seriously as some other posters suggest. But then again, I could be wrong and we've got a stalker on our hands. I also think it's very probable that this could fit on a golf ball. I know my handwriting is small enough for it. I'm sure someone else's is, too.
Jankae 0
Number 19, please have my babies.
RIKANA 0
I'm hoping you get locks and blinds, that just isn't right. call the police. RI