Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Get a (big) dog. Change your locks. Buy a shotgun.
lyndis_fml 0
Well, you do. A golf ball at the door seemed less creepy than a note on your bedside table. Sorry if I scared you.
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Comments (214)
jillz 0
If something happens to you, that golf ball should already be evidence in the possession of the police. If he watched you once, he'll find ways to watch you again. I know how you feel. Start taking pictures of the surroundings around your house. You may just find him in the background of a few. FYL
LoveToSmile101 0
Lmao at # 19 Wow..Stalker much. I suggest you make sure your doors are locked. Or i don't know MOVE and soon.. Serious FYL
NuclearWinter 0
Is this not one of the most poorly worded fmls ever?
DizzyDemon0 9
Glad you found it :D I'll be up tonight darling.
mylifeisfuckedd 0
That is majorly creepy report it!!! And if you live alone, you should probably keep a gun for protection... And yes that can fit on a golf ball
mattmag 0
Tell the police.
Swan_fml 0
Keep the evidence, tell the police, record all phone calls. Get better shades. oh, maybe s/he has a camera set up in your room. have a good look around.
Yeoman 0
I say take the compliment and move on. Maybe you sleep with your mouth open and ass in the air? I dont know, but Im sure the golf ball isnt lying.
NandraniDevi 3
CREAPER! make sure you got something with you now like mace...thats just plain weird.. and potentially dangerous
Amkii 0
******* creepy. MOVE.