Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, all so there could be "someone to answer the phone." The phone didn't ring once all day. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
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Top comments
RobinGoodfellow 47
The worst! I've done that and had to unscrew a window and climb through. Fortunately I live in the middle of nowhere so no one saw.
I_Bite 22
you turn the lock and pull the door behind you..
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Comments (34)
flowerfliff 18
That sucks, sry op
1nertia 15
Good Ol stress. Makes a bad day worse.
Emzinatorbot 26
If you don't live by yourself, I really don't think it's a problem
cheeeksss 29
Have you been locked out of your house before?
Allison_leah23 17
I think what #3 meant was that another member of the household would most likely have a key and it wouldn't be a problem getting back in :)
Gubbon 17
And why would OP post this if it wasn't a problem? Think people, think.
CandyDawg 21
Call in sick. Don't even bother going to work.
kirbs19 37
DANG NABIT! I've done that before
AverageJoey 18
Anxiety's a killer.
RobinGoodfellow 47
The worst! I've done that and had to unscrew a window and climb through. Fortunately I live in the middle of nowhere so no one saw.
cheeeksss 29
I'd be afraid to live in the middle of nowhere. What if someone else broke into your house and no one saw to report it? :O
RobinGoodfellow 47
Thing about the middle of nowhere is, there's not really anyone around to break into your house. Can't imagine a robber would be like, "Let's turn down this dirt road next to a cornfield and check out the prospects."
smokecloud_ 37
Yeah, but if horror movies have taught me anything, the middle of no where is home to backwoods, chainsaw-wielding serial killers. :o
Sydni_1022 8
How do you lock the door from the outside with no keys?
I_Bite 22
you turn the lock and pull the door behind you..
RobinGoodfellow 47
They never said they locked it from the outside.
Mauskau 36
My door doesn't have a handle, it has two locks and the top lock acts as a handle from the inside. Once you close the door, you need to use the top lock to open it. Basically put the key in, turn it and push the door.
BlueShade 17
Is it illegal to break into your own house?
xninix_fml 36
I don't think so.
foxwasalamb 24
what? if its your house you're not "breaking in". here, how about you do it and call the police and explain how you broke into your own house. id love to hear what their reaction would be
HairIsEverything 15
#23 why are all your comments so damn condescending? Every time you post something it's either a rude reply to a joke, or a ******* paragraph telling somebody off because they made a joke. What happened to FML? This is supposed to be about making light of a situation with lame puns and witty joking. Stop being so serious!!
Mauskau 36
Not even sure why you'd break into your own house and then call the police unless you were in danger, such as someone locking you out of the house that shouldn't even be in your house.
hard_candy 25
sounds like you need to unwind.