Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
It now owns your car, sorry.
riddle143 15
Well crap... Time to burn that car
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Comments (90)
sem2183 13
Omg I would have a heart attack and die. Your brave because I wouldn't be able to drive knowing it's in the car.
Sakuraashita 15
Wait did OP said she "flung" it? As in came into actual physical contact with it of her own free will???? Umm, ew!!!!! Abandon the car on the side of the road, even if it's like a Porsche or something, look up how long a cockroach can live... And come back fifty years after that, just to be safe. Pray thieves have stolen your car so you do not have to deal with the bug corpse.
mkcherry 14
this is hands down the best thing I have ever read on the internet
stephers444 17
Burn the car
False_Stupidity 42
Does you car not have an interior light to help find that spawn of satan?
mercedesm 28
This happened to me, only with a cicada.
YepThatsMeee 23
Happened to me too, only with my mother in law.
Chibi_Kitten 24
#77: I think certain mother in laws are already categorized as a cockroach or a leech.
Muttley9 13
Called a palmetto bug down here in Florida. A large, flying cockroach like insect. Inhabits palmetto bushes and even palm trees. Usually a very rude surprise to Florida newcomers. Sorry you lost it your car :(
Scynistr 20
This reminds me of when I was 6 or so. I moved into a new apartment and I brought my toy chest into my room to play while the adults unpacked. I opened the lid and a cockroach just bombarded me. I was terrified.
night_saint 5
no windshield wipers?
rocker_chick23 27
it was on the inside windshield, not the outside windshield.
kesht1996 12
That's when you calmly get out of the car. Lock the doors. And proceed to burn it to ashes.
julianthegreat 5
Im sorry to tell you this but you are sooooo ******