Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
It now owns your car, sorry.
riddle143 15
Well crap... Time to burn that car
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Comments (90)
andyeatsworld 10
It was an inside job. Hope you don't have to many enemies OP.
zbursach 7
so you stopped to post this...?
rocker_chick23 27
Every FML starts with today. For all we know it could have happened a year ago, or he could have written it when he got home.
yeongji 31
I would have turned off the car to make sure the lights don't attract more bugs, and from there, keep the windows (or even some of the doors) opened in hope that it will be smart enough to free itself to freedom.
ilokajkid1369 6
roaches get scared by light. so if he would have turned the light on it would have kept the roach away from him
ostfaiz 18
what are you wearing by the way ;)
ostfaiz 18
:(
ethan_unoxx 29
open your window or get the bug spray ready
clemsi 20
Bug spray would just make it stronger
ImRJ 7
Just call truce. who knows, it may agree and leave
SofiaM0517 8
I WOULD FAINT IN THAT SITUATION
JoshMohawk 11
Jesus... Suck it up. Roaches don't bite/sting/stab/pinch. It can't hurt you. Stop being a little bitch.
Futacy 30
OP lives in Australia though...
Thorzix 23
Pretend? Entomophobia is a real thing fool.
sem2183 13
Some people have legitimate phobias of bugs! You're the one acting like a bitch here so shut up.
Futacy 30
And you live in Australia too? Yup, your car's gone. Better set it afloat to sea before it escapes and lays its eggs in your retina. It's the only way to be sure.
worldclassrager 41
Well you know what they say if there's one there's more...