Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
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Top comments
SoulEaterSE 23
#fingersinthebootyassbitch
dudeutookhrs 24
So who learned the lesson here?
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Comments (59)
allforfun 23
Hahaah....
proudspanishgirl 10
Some guys are so pig eww
kaylocca 20
Lol this sounds like my life story except my boyfriend mostly likes to stick his fingers in his own ass crack then low key bring them to my face.
countryb_cth 38
I had an ex that used to do the same thing to me, it's absolutely disgusting
joshklander 11
Wow, that "cracks" me up! lol
ezrajab 22
I guess in the end you lost?
capnjacksparrow 7
Damn i can't decide whether or not you deserved it
Oogly979 8
Sometimes it's better to pretend to have a tiny amount of class and keep certain shit to yourself.
brianna1494 27
Pretty sure what he did was rape, and sort of on your part too... you never gave consent, nor did he.
tarlax 11
It's the butt crack, not the asshole. You call that rape? And then you say if a woman does it, it's only "sort of" the same? Jesus Christ. Get a grip on reality, you lunatic.
writergirl1029 17
It's not rape, but it does qualify as a form of sexual assualt, on both of their parts.
tarlax 11
Good god, you're ridiculous. So not only are you a sexist hypocrite who thinks it's not exactly the same if a woman does it, you also think a boyfriend or girlfriend putting their finger between their partner's ass cheeks is sexual assault? You probably think a playful slap on the ass in a relationship is also "sexual assault". I stand by what I said about you being a lunatic.
catherinecas 30
Tarlax, you do realize that a different person replied to you, right? And under the law even if these are boyfriend and girlfriend it's considered sexual harassment at the least and assault at most. It's pretty skeevy to continue to do something to someone that they've expressed they don't like or that makes them uncomfortable.
SunshineBoy_fml 16
Not a wet one I hope
steam_engenius 21
Honestly, your husband sounds like a pig. I don't know whether you deserved it or not, because you did marry him, after all.