Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he did his business. He then stepped all in it and coated his paws. As I was struggling with him, I slipped and landed butt-first into his steaming pile. My boyfriend nearly fainted from laughing. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Thank god your date was blind and didn't see it eh? That would have been embarrassing.
thegr8dane 0
so, any bets on how many "shitty situation" puns we're gonna see? this, of course, including variations thereof...
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Comments (46)
stin_fml 0
cool, but not smooth
luckytim1 0
shit attracts shit you may say dude
cmac86 24
what a shitty date.
passwordis_fml 2
why would you describe dogpoopsmell as "funny"?
motheroffuck 0
"i noticed a funny smell" "and slipped onto my butt" you talk like an old man. i would rephrase it. "i smelled something nasty" "and i fell on my ass"
GooberGuy 0
well, that must make you feel like shit. Maybe you are the blind person for stepping in shit?
Green_Eyes_Pwn 0
Wow, there's a lot of shit in that park, my God. oh, ummmm yeah sorry about that. Fyl. :(
Norther 1
funny?....
Mikonam_fml 8
Why is there poop everywhere?
silversonic75 6
At least a pigeon didn't poop on you too... You should play real-life Duck Hunt except with geese instead of ducks. And shoot that obnoxious laughing dog while you're at it. He must pay as well.