Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me some nudes while I was at work, so I went into the bathroom to rub one out. When I was done, I realized there was no paper towels… or toilet paper… or soap. I'm really sticky right now. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
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Top comments
Frankenstein611 10
Thats just nasty!
life_sucks225 13
i hope it was worth it
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Comments (258)
Bex628 20
I'd rather be told some pieces were left behind than to have a guy do that, no matter how courteous he's trying to be. It'd be nothing to quickly clean up in the bathroom. I would want him to enjoy his time down there, not be grossed out.
sugarbear0727 19
Lmfao. That's disgusting. You should've told her to go wipe with a wet washcloth. I would've been embarrassed, but more so if my.boyfriend didn't say anything.
uhohhcece 4
That's gross..
rogerover 19
Sometimes " A man's gotta do what a mans gotta do". Way to hang in there! I'm sure it paid off. PS. Next time use your fingers to slyly move it aside.
SeepingSarcasm 7
Sadly it took me a while as well...even more sad is that I eventually grasped the FML, and won't eat for the next few days or even more if I can't get this FML out of my head! Just go with OP's GF wiped her mouth with TP before they kissed, and he had to eat some of the said TP while they kissed...trust me, it's better that way.
SeepingSarcasm 7
This was supposed to be a reply to #49 by the way...
locustbb 9
Don't be so cheap and buy stronger toilet paper...
perdix 31
Don't worry, a little bit of pee never killed anyone. On the other hand, a little bit of poo can make you sick, maybe even kill you! My high school class motto was "Eat Shit and Die." I hope that's not your epitaph.
CrimsonAmaryllis 18
Honestly I'd spoil the moment so she remembered it could happen, and sort it out in the future.
monkeyy100 15
Well you're a keeper :)
Nomadic1 20
Buy her some wipes. I am a guy that lives alone, but even keep wipes from when women are over at my place
PrincessPesa 20
Haha! Are you Terrance Howard, the actor? A dealbreaker, in his words: "Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean." Ha! Y'all are vigilant *******!