Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me some nudes while I was at work, so I went into the bathroom to rub one out. When I was done, I realized there was no paper towels… or toilet paper… or soap. I'm really sticky right now. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
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Top comments
Frankenstein611 10
Thats just nasty!
life_sucks225 13
i hope it was worth it
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Comments (258)
wtfwhyfml 12
.... ew. Just... wow. I applaud your dedication OP, but that's one instance where politely asking her to clean up is acceptable. I have to get my husband to wash up before he gets anything (Bad issues with swamp balls due to the hot and humid climate we live in).
fabs1171 23
swamp balls? Love the analogy :-)
HaraAishi 8
Your profile pic along with your comment was just genius. Seriously though, nothing worse than going down on swamp balls.
Drifting 21
No, no, no....so not worth it...
MrConcise 35
We all know you and her had a laugh about it later. You're a good man, OP. Just be sure to check next time. Who knows, maybe there will be a string dangling in your face if you don't. Maybe you're into that, though. God dammit, why did I give myself that mental imagery?
mfmylifesrsly 30
I highly doubt he told her so she wouldn't be embarrassed. OP you should really tell her to clean up next time, I'm sure she wants to be clear for you and just wasnt aware. That's why I always check before I do stuff.
MrConcise 35
Pfft, couples laugh about this stuff all the time. I've had one of those emasculating 15-second moments, we joked about it all night. Her best friend gave me the nickname "30 Seconds to Mars". If you're comfortable with your partner, shit like this is pretty insignificant unless, as OP said, it unnecessarily ruins the moment.
Enslaved 38
That didn't take you Closer to the Edge and Attack while declaring This is War? I might have plotted The Kill if I didn't feel like we were Kings and Queens. Of course, if I were you, I would have defended myself From Yesterday that it was just A Beautiful Lie. It was actually 31 Seconds to Mars.(:
AzWolf 5
Dude!
LyraAlluse 25
Don't forget to floss.
simoncat 11
Ew! Gag. Keeping personal wipes next to the bed is always nice. And a discreet way to clean up and freshen lots of places.
rsh1962 4
Been there, done that. It was worth it tho.
CaptainBlack 18
No you didn't.
80zChyld 2
eww
KatjaM 15
I just threw up a little in my mouth. There is no way that was worth it. And shouldn't it be common practice to "clean up" before oral??