Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...
Frank_3xxx 6
How can you live with a **** like that?
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Comments (89)
HotShot313 15
Hahahahahahah I'm out of words
False_Stupidity 42
*throws a dictionary at #15's head. Here's some more!
TXFernwoods 26
I hope he didn't get home by driving :O
Brandi_Faith 34
If he did drive home himself then you need to have a serious talk with him! You may want to consider making him take a cab (or get a ride from a friend or even having you drop him off) if he's going to go out drinking seeing as you can't trust him (and he can't trust himself) to not drive while drunk.
Astrum14 24
How can you be pretty sure he isn't always like this? Do you know OP and/or her husband? Maybe the husband is an abuser and the reason she was staying quiet instead of speaking up was because she didn't want him to turn his attention to her. Not saying it's true, but I have the same amount of proof for my theory as you do for saying he's not always like that.
worldclassrager 41
Great comment didn't work out though...
hk1998 8
Seems like an interesting person...
wvni 13
This needs a follow up. What happened after this... issue?
s25_fml 7
this is absolutely hilarious i dont know how you couldn't have been in tears laughing as it was happening
six922 6
right! amazing
barfcannon 24
This was my first reaction and then I came to the very concerned and sincere comment section. Guess we're not mature yet.
chocolatefrog28 29
If this isn't a usual thing for him, one night you should come home late and pretend to have a go with the body pillow yourself while he's in bed, see what he says the next morning.
AloysiusWeasley 15
Wait until the next time he comes home really drunk and be humping it when he walks into the bedroom. She really needs to record that.
ThatsABitch 4
I would have pulled out my phone and video taped it! LMAO.
annarcheer 19
that's scary.. I'd lock him out of the room haha