Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...
Frank_3xxx 6
How can you live with a **** like that?
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Comments (89)
CrazyMelvin 14
That's funny.
vikky538 29
divorce him and let him marry that pillow...
Zebediabolical 45
If he drove, I'd call the cops for a DUI. Yep. I did it when I was young and stupid. But then I realized that it's not just me that'll die or be maimed.
slyde32 12
did you call the cops to tell them you were DUI, as well?
Da_Case_10 8
I'm sorry but that's hilarious!! hahahaha
defuck 8
I would of video taped him then showed him later
R3TROxLOV3 32
Is this normal behavior for him? If so, I'd consider getting him help.
Han1156 23
Why divorce he was just being a drunken idiot by the sound of it
animalxcrackers 20
"all I could do was stay quiet..." Why? Why couldn't you say something to him about it?
sonnyrosa 32
Because it was far too hilarious to let it happen, and take video for future blackmail purposes :P
150493x 29
That escalated quickly
vlalam 24
he is a keeper.. though he was drunk, he only thought of u.. but on a side note, rofl