Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, after I'd spent two weeks planning the perfect proposal at the aquarium, right as I got down on one knee, a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mom! That man dropped something!" Half the people around us started looking around for whatever I'd "lost" instead of watching the proposal. FML
Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML
Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
day624 14
Aw nuts! Thats something i would do! Laugh it off thats a funny moment!
perdix 31
Were they near the Neanderthal Mountain Dew cans and the Paleolithic condoms?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (88)
Bigmoneyshotz 0
Deezzz nuttz
hateevryone 15
Maybe you need glasses.
Fmylife107 5
Not all shells are fossils, if they are rock then they are!
ebfbruh 0
Woman
NoahEibon 11
Well, you two can share a laugh together!! :D
EricWill 1
>implying shells are fossils
Breaker132 8
I understand it was a mistake, but I honestly cannot possibly imagine how a person can mistake pistachio shells with animal shells, let alone a fossil.
bjf10 22
Think, then speak. ;-)
lordEast 6
Great contribution to the gene pool. Realy. •sixseasonsandamovie•
csvecw 2
How did this make it? Your life must be ruined now