Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, after I'd spent two weeks planning the perfect proposal at the aquarium, right as I got down on one knee, a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mom! That man dropped something!" Half the people around us started looking around for whatever I'd "lost" instead of watching the proposal. FML
Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML
Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML
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Top comments
day624 14
Aw nuts! Thats something i would do! Laugh it off thats a funny moment!
perdix 31
Were they near the Neanderthal Mountain Dew cans and the Paleolithic condoms?
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Comments (88)
rsunshine2020 13
That's so funny!! You probably just made the day lol!
greenie213 23
That's perfectly understandable, we have a lot of small shell fossils around where I live that look somewhat like million year old pistachio shells.
isaiaah 6
Play it off as a joke. Best of luck, gotta go save more disastrous observations.
alohalili 0
Just act like it never happened :)
appleshowers3 0
Oh silly woman This is why we stay in the kitchen :p
BunchieRules 31
Wait... when did sexism come into this? OP mistakes pistachio shells for prehistoric fossils, therefore, all women should stay in the kitchen? That makes about as much sense as the end of this sentence refrigerator octopus lizard.
Briiyahh 7
Calm down it was just a joke have a sense of humor
olpally 33
60, that was a very poor joke though. Sexist comments will not be tolerated on here. Sincerely-Michael.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Cavemen ate those pistachios.
Spiral_Thoughts 19
Wow, discovering fossils is that easy!? I'll try it myself right now! *looks in Fridge* Forget fossils, look! I just discovered a new species of ewe! Watch as it bounds through the Cottage Cheese fields and rests in the Coke Zero Everglades . . . *holds up the rotten banana* Um . . . Eww?
Bonzer 2
Thats a nutty thing to sa... *gets shot*
whosindahouse 9
In the nuts
Axipiter 24
Roadhouse.
outoftown 27
only gets shot if spouse is trying to quit smoking.
lostfaithinpppl 19
Next time look at things more closely before jumping to conclusions.
RedPillSucks 33
At a scenic overlook, it's very important not to jump at all.
Unbweavable 17
Who could blame you? Lack of air (because your higher up), plus excitement of being in a new & beautiful place could make you a bit confused. Atleast you realized your mistake.