Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML
Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius, babe." FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
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Top comments
Helloilike_lacro 8
It sounds logical to me
SamSwebb 24
They don't?!
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Comments (58)
Helloilike_lacro 8
It sounds logical to me
Jac_d_ipper 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Clearly you all are behaving like fucktards; OP for humanity sake please don't breed with your bf or anyone who agrees with him!
Olympiakos10 15
24 I hope you don't breed with anyone and waste perfectly good space on this earth
Jac_d_ipper 10
31 thanks for being a snail...
SamSwebb 24
They don't?!
JoshuahColins 19
I know right?!
xBethanyC 15
I thought this too when I was a little kid. so I once pulled one out of its shell. it ended with me crying over this dead shelless alien looking thing that used to be a living snail.
SirMichael 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#10 You cried for a snail?
itsmichellebitch 16
they obviously do. everyone who says they don't is lying to you
xBethanyC 15
at #22 yes. I've always been an animal lover. And I was a little kid when this happened. Hell, I still get sad when I/other people accidentally step on snails after it rains.
VampireBiter 7
Omg you pulled it out T_T
xBethanyC 15
I WAS A CHILD. I DIDN'T KNOW. Geez don't lay a guilt trip on me for something that happened over 10 years ago.
Rababco 29
Wait, they die when you pull them out of their shell?! I didn't know that! How come no one taught me that! Poor snail :(
Sir_ND_Pity 35
It looks like he came out of his shell. Looks like your boyfriend is in fact the slowest slug in the... Snail home?
jackiemora 18
He probably didn't want to sound stupid, so he said he already knew which failed for him. Lol.
Hollywoodgirl79 18
Well someone obviously doesn't have a sense of humor. Or he's like Sheldon Cooper and doesn't understand when someone is joking.
lonewolf6613 4
If he was like Sheldon he would've known the truth and assumed she believed that she was right. Then he would've went into a long speech to explain. :)
The_Piquerist 7
When he went to school did he ride on the shorter bus?
lifesucks1217 6
Not funny..
SkyGuy32 17
I don't get it.
Barthanax 9
Retards/Mentally a Handicapped people ride the "short bus" because they're short a few hundred brain cells.
IHaveThePower 18
Congratulations, I've never seen someone try to be politically correct while being that offensive. Just so you know, short buses are traditionally used for special ed kids--not just mentally disabled ones--because there's fewer of them, but my high school had one too and it was the favorite of any small-group field trip because it had a working radio.
JD134 24
That's kind of offensive.
flockz 20
snailed it!
chanellgymnast 17
Couldn't have snailed it any better!
LissaMccracken 23
That's just lame
olpally 33
Buzz kill^^
olfool 3
He either didn't want to sound dumb, or he countered you pretty good.
WhiteCrimson 23
Nimble mind, kinda like a snails, don't worry, just pray your kids inherit you brain cells and predominantly you DNA. Someone has to take care of the lower pecking order too you know.