Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me when I went to give him a blowjob after he got home and his knob tasted different. It was the other woman’s fanny juice still on him because he hadn’t had a shower yet. So f…ing angry and grossed out right now. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML
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Top comments
mr_dinzaster 16
That literally almost made me throw up that’s so grosss
GamerChickxoxo 16
Gross and why i prefer to do that kind of thing in the shower so i can atleast see that its been washed before it goes in my mouth :P
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Comments (28)
GamerChickxoxo 16
Gross and why i prefer to do that kind of thing in the shower so i can atleast see that its been washed before it goes in my mouth :P
mr_dinzaster 16
That literally almost made me throw up that’s so grosss
Ksweety_fml 27
Ew.. thank God, my boyfriend is uncircumcised.
Charlie Given 28
Doesn't matter if a guy is or isn't thats all about hygiene, but typically uncircumcised men have more of an issue with that
PenguinPal3017 19
I don't think that you know what that words means
dancingcats 5
uncircumcised? are you dumb? that would mean that he has his foreskin... 🙄
inappropes 31
I am a 27 year old man. Never in my life have I had any amount of any "dick cheese." But then again I shower daily. Do not even want to think of how long you have to not clean yourself to get something like that.
kirby1964 20
I agree. I never heard of Dick Cheeze. Before this post.
Mayaaaaaaaaa 12
I imagine a looooooong time.
bloopaloop 27
The dude is probably uncircumcised.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Given that the cheese was under his foreskin, he definitely was intact. Circumcised men do not have foreskin, that's precisely the difference. oh and yuk, find someone who practises hygiene, OP!
PenguinPal3017 19
I have you beat. 29 year old man. Have never had dick cheese. This guy must have zero hygiene and maybe medical issues. So gross.
measleweasel 6
When I was in highschool, I met a guy who didn't know he was meant to pull it back and clean... I've always felt really sorry for him
mymegangirl 7
eewwww
Sonotsuave 37
This makes me appreciate my innocence, I don’t want to know and I sure as hell could have lived without any imagery that may have came to mind while reading, thank you
Charlie Given 28
Umm not to brag but once while working in a very remote area where we didn't have access to bathing facilities and water was rationed I had to go 11 days without washing and I did not get any dick cheese so how long has it been since your boyfriend washed or is it semi dried pussy juices, like when ya have a great long **** session and if a guy don't wash that off soon after it becomes like a creamy consistency which I guess could be confused as a cheesy substance
RichardPencil 32
Smegma!!! Hahaha!!!
Mungolikecandy 19
Not only is that disgusting (and a simple wash on a daily basis would sort it) but it also is a major cause of dick cancer,
protoskore 27
This is thing Jewish guys don't have to worry about.